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I hate crying. Lately, it’s all I’ve been doing.

Growing up, barring grave physical injury, crying was actively discouraged. It was embarrassing. Crying meant getting sequestered until you put yourself together, until you could show some self-respect. It was an interesting concept for a five-year-old.

While I’ve had to learn that crying, when sincere, is a normal emotional response (like anger or joy), I’m still holding back tears. And that makes me want to cry all the more. Childhood inspires and haunts us into adulthood. All I can think about is how many dead children there are in Palestine right now. About what happens to the children who survive. The adults. The teens. The elderly. What will this level of death and destruction carry?

Toni Morrison puts my philosophy towards life best:

“Don’t let anybody, anybody convince you this is the way the world is and therefore must be. It must be the way it ought to be.”

― Toni Morrison, The Source of Self-Regard: Selected Essays, Speeches, and Meditations

I have been called many things in the last 6 weeks. Naive. Evil. Not worthy of life. Privileged. Bigoted. Stupid. All because I’ve called for peace. Demanded (and continue to demand) a ceasefire. Demand we value Palestinian life and recognize their humanity. For demanding that the United States, a country I fund with my tax dollars, reflects the world it promised me growing up. Reflect a society as it ought to be, not use war or violence, a tactic continually proven ineffective for achieving lasting, worldwide peace. A strategy that has a human cost so high no one would be willing to pay it if they were asked to foot the bill.

It is important to understand that calling for these things does not devalue demands to return Israeli hostages. That calling for peace is not Islamophobic or antisemitic. We can recognize that extremism emboldens hateful people towards action. This understanding, and empathy for very real fears, can coexist with demanding a ceasefire. Demanding humanity. The reality is that when I ask for peace, I ask for peace for everyone.

It hurts to see humans hurt this much. The only reason I'm not hurting is due to “winning” the geographic lottery of being born in America. So, most days, I cry. I call my representatives. I cry some more.

It is at this point that I will be told I’m not an expert in Middle Eastern Politics. Correct. I’m not an expert. I’m human. I act as such. You are very likely not an expert either. I recommend listening to podcasts and reading books from experts on the subject. When you are like me, an outsider looking in, it is critical to listen to perspectives you do and don’t agree with. I still don’t agree with violent tactics. And as such, I will do everything I can to stop them.

So, let’s talk about this DM. Yes I cried reading it.

I’m grateful to people peacefully demonstrating for a ceasefire. I myself have gone to demonstrations in New York. But, seeing pepper spray, my heart broke again. Pepper spray is a chemical weapon. So dangerous that a rioter from January 6th got a 14 year sentence for using it on a police officer. While DC police never pepper sprayed any violent January 6th rioters, they did pepper spray a peaceful demonstration in DC a few days ago. Hate crimes against protestors are on the rise with pepper spray. So, let’s talk about it.

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It will only surprise some that Mace or tear gas first entered police mainstream in the 1960s. It is essentially a synthetic form of pepper spray and became popular around when race riots and Vietnam War protests kicked off in America. One reason mace was used was a PR play. It was perceived as more peaceful than say, hitting someone with a baton. Particularly when photographers were at protests. Now we know both mace and pepper spray are chemical weapons which have been banned from use in war since 1995.

Pepper spray started to become a popular alternative to mace because, and I shit you not, it was perceived as a “natural alternative.” Yet another reason naturalistic fallacy is ludicrous. Megyn Kelly once said that pepper spray was “a food product, essentially.”

We now know that pepper spray is a chemical weapon, and may have much longer and more dangerous consequences than originally believed, particularly with repeated exposure. It is certainly not peaceful. And can cause lasting harm. So, if you or a friend is exposed to pepper spray, here’s what to do.

What is pepper spray

Pepper spray or oleoresin capsicum is what makes peppers spicy. Capsicum has an array of uses. Yes, Capsicum is the basis of some lip plumping glosses. Dose is always going to make the poison.

The active ingredient in pepper spray is capsaicin, the spicy chemical in peppers. Important to note that pepper spray has much higher levels of capsaicin than any earthly pepper. Pepper spray goes for your mucus membranes. Eyes, nose, throat and lungs and can cause severe dermatitis reactions on your skin. As it is oily, it’s challenging to remove, and rubbing your skin or eyes makes it worse. So, let’s go through what to do before, during and after.

What to do before:

Before going to a protest or any area where you think you could be pepper sprayed, prepare. Here are some tips I've compiled from various sources, including research papers and Amnesty International.

• Take an antihistamine before.

• Do not wear moisturizer or sunscreen or anything. Dry skin is best. Why? Pepper Spray is oil based. It’ll cling to your moisturizer.

• Don’t even think about using Vaseline. Dry skin. DRY. You want to be a husk.

• Don’t wear contacts if you can help it. They can trap pepper spray and seriously damage eyes.

• Wear clothing that covers your entire body and a face mask.

• Wear a hat for sun protection and to help keep chemicals off your face, depending on where they are sprayed.

• If you have asthma bring your inhaler. Be careful about going into unventilated areas.

• Bring saline and dish soap. I like good ol’ Dawn dish soap.

• Bring a change of clothes, once your clothes are contaminated you need to get out of them as the oil can spread/stays active.

How to get it off:

It’s critical before doing *anything* to get the oil off of you. If you put a moisturizer on over pepper spray, you can intensify the effects.

Some common ways to get it off are:

• Maalox

• Lidocaine Gel

• Baby Shampoo

• Milk

• Water

• Saline

Unfortunately, the most effective way to remove pepper spray is time. In a study evaluating Maalox, Lidocaine Gel, baby shampoo, milk and water none were deemed more effective than the other. Saline is also effective at removing chemical agents, but there isn’t much research when it comes to pepper spray. That being said, carrying saline and Dawn dish soap (not tested but effective at removing oil), is something I plan to carry with me.

What to do in the aftermath:

• If you have contacts, take them out with clean hands.

• Take off your face mask and do not rub anything.

• Loosen anything that may restrict breathing. Get rid of any clothing that was sprayed as it’ll linger and you can re-contaminate yourself.

• Get to a well ventilated area.

• Do not rub your eyes or nose or mouth. Seriously. DON’T.

• Blow nose and spit repetitively. Try not to swallow.

• Clean hands and skin with dish detergent or soap twice and and then begin the irrigation process. Ideally you’ll have isotonic saline. Don’t touch any area until you can start rinsing it. Irrigate any contacted area with saline (eyes, nose, mouth, skin).

• Once irrigated, wash face and skin and exposed areas with Dawn. I can’t find studies, only anecdotal accounts. If you’re worried about your face, now is when I admit at an exes house I used to wash my face with Dawn if I didn’t have my cleanser on hand. My face lived to tell the tale.

Now, for your skin.

Pepper spray can cause contact dermatitis and is common due to how it can linger… you really need to avoid moisturizer at first.

Over the counter steroids might alleviate some symptoms. If you can completely decontaminate yourself and last a day without any lotions or creams, focusing on antihistamines is your best bet with a cold cool compress for any hot areas. Replace the cool compress as needed. Avoid scratching your skin, please.

Once you know you have no more pepper spray on you, if you have a bath, Aveeno has an oat bath soak. I love it for when I get rashy. You can start moisturizing once you know you don’t have any pepper spray on you and you won’t be re-exposed. Cortisone may help but be sparing.

Also, I hope this goes without saying… don’t try new products.

Sending love to everyone. Don’t let a lack of expertise discourage you from learning. Learn about Palestinians and Israelis. Learn about Congo. Learn about Sudan. Learn about how we can make this world better. In opening our minds we can make this world the place it ought to be. Ceasefire now.

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