PicoBlog

Wow, so I guess I have a lot to say about this...I kind of can't believe we're still talking about this. I'm a boomer, so for my generation, embracing and normalizing gay marriage and gay families was a gigantic sea change, and something to be so proud of. We really helped moved the needle on it. This was definitely not the case when I was young. I believe my generation played a big role in taking on deeply rooted cultural beliefs about what is and what isn't a family. And that includes adoption, mixed race families, the whole ball of wax. I married late in life. As a single person for many years, I always felt excluded in "family" conversations and references when it was clear the speaker meant, "kids." Your work examples bring back memories of those stings, small and large. "Well, it's just you, right?" That "just!" Anyway... not to be so cliche, but it was part of my maturing process to take on board that old chestnut...you are enough. Period. You don't need to have kids to not want to work overtime or do more than your fair share. Of course my husband and I are a family, but I was part of a family when I wasn't married, too. When a coworker would say, "Well I have a family," I would say, "So do I." And I did. Don't forget the millions of people who are care takers of elderly parents. I did it, and would do it again. To younger people I say, let's all do our part to finally put this business to rest. Normalize all kinds of families. It's whoever, whatever you need it to be. And it can change, too. Some relationships are meant to last. Others...not so much. And don't be afraid to own your boundaries around work. If people think or imply you should do more because you are child-free, that's their opinion. It doesn't have to be yours.

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