Authenticity *Is* Dangerous And Expensive.
I used to mouth off online a lot. I’d see something getting traction, often something dunking on someone, and I’d think, “Lemme get in on this.” It was fun and it was easy. A muscle gay would post a video of himself at the gym with some kind of caption about experiencing “body dystopia” and with the consistency of a G-train delay, I’d screenshot it accompanied by my then-signature Meryl Streep screaming in Big Little Lies. We joke about chronically online gay men of a certain age sharing one very broken brain, and as someone still in recovery, I can attest that it’s true.
For some, it’s the moral superiority. For others, it’s less intellectual and more a numbers game: In the rock paper scissors of online etiquette, hate tends to trounce kindness 9 times out of 10. Example? A few years ago, when Lea Michele found herself in hot water after accusations of making "traumatic microaggressions" toward her former Glee castmates, I jumped on the bandwagon. At a time of great divisiveness, it felt like a momentary reprieve that we (the internet) had a shared enemy in Lea Michele. Then I met Lea in person, introduced by our mutual friend Jonathan Groff. She was sweet, kind and genuine enough to disarm me. And, in an instant, any disdain I felt melted away.
I pivoted away from being a hater several years ago, but those who have been in the trenches with me might remember a very different version of my online footprint. You might call it less buttoned-up. You might call it more free-wheeling. You might call it more authentic. No matter the title, I gave it up a while back for several reasons: The thrill was gone, as my platform grew it started to feel like I was punching down and, in some instances, I’d hear from the people I was attempting to chop down to size about the very real ways in which I’d hurt them. That didn’t feel good, and thus, after some introspection, I decided to reprioritize in favor of the things I love, as opposed to those I hate. And thus, a hypeman was born.
It’s something I’ve been thinking a lot about: The more I hype something, the more access I get to it, the more access I get to it means I tangentially become a part of it and therefore it can become difficult to remain critical — or even objective. And if there is one thing about me that my closest friends will tell you, it’s that I am critical. Deeply so. Just not online so much anymore. It’s a decision I made a while back. It’s not that I’m being fake. It’s that I’m withholding. Like, I’d love to talk about the Dune: Part II press tour or my thoughts on Ludovic de Saint Sernin’s NYFW debut or if I actually like a movie that I post a lot about but am pretty mid on when it comes to the ending, but I can’t. Or rather, I can, but I don’t. And then I heard Tina Fey say that “authenticity is dangerous and expensive” and had an “a!” that I think could evolve into an “a-ha!” moment.
She’s, of course, right. So what now? I — if you can believe — have thoughts!
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