PicoBlog

Last night, one of my kids watched the Tim Robbins movie, “Bob Roberts.” I had a small role as the main character’s singing partner – Clarissa Flan.

In the madness that was raising four kids very close in age, I failed to inform them of much I did in my life. They knew I was in a band with their dad. But really, beyond that, I never sat around like Miss Havisham and said ”Oh, I was on a major label at 20 years old.” Or “I’ve had my picture taken for big magazines” or “ I was once courted by dapper young gentlemen” or anything. I figured:

So my son – now my favorite – says to me, ”You really undersold yourself about being in this movie. I told my girlfriend we need to look for my Mom in the band. She’ll be singing in the background.”

I guess I did play it down.

I almost didn’t do the movie.

I think they had been having trouble casting an actor who could sing and play guitar. They found themselves crunched for time and needed to cast it fast. I would not need to audition. 

Someone sent me a script and told me that if I said yes, they would start filming in about a month.

So I read the script.

I loved it. But I was super worried. I didn’t know if they were going to be able to make the satire obvious enough. 

I said no. (Y’all… I was young.)

My manager told them my concerns.

Ha Ha Ha! I’m so grateful and lucky that they came back. They assured me that the satire would be perfectly done and no one would think we were actually in favor of Bob Roberts’s behavior or that we believed the messages in those songs. In fact, Tim would not be releasing the songs on a soundtrack, to prevent them being misused.

So, I took a chance and said yes.

The next thing I remember was flying to Pittsburgh for filming. I had the worst head cold of my life. The pressure from the flight actually burst one of my eardrums. I was really worried because we would be singing and playing live, which was the whole reason they wanted a musician and not an actor.

This was my first introduction to the miracle of steroids. My manager found someone who could give me a shot and I prayed it would help.

Pittsburgh was cold and snowy. And I loved it. I loved the old buildings downtown, all that brick, and a department store with the stereotypical Christmas window display all aglow for the holidays.

I met with David Robbins, Tim’s brother, the next day. He was the film’s musical director. We ran the songs and he soon discovered that I might have exaggerated my guitar playing skills. But they were stuck with me now and I was determined to deliver for them.

The next day, we filmed all the concert scenes at once. Thankfully, I had recovered just in time. I remember them laughing in between takes because I was singing those absurd lyrics so sincerely. Tim and I made heartfelt eye contact as we harmonized on:

“Pot headed weirdos, sex deviants, 
dancing fools, your day is done.
It’s time to leave the face of this earth, 
Dope smoking morons, dirty hippie freaks.
Drugs stink, drugs stink
Be a clean living man with a rope in your hand
Drugs stink, drugs stink
Hang em high for a clean living land.

I don't think I was convinced yet that this was going to be understood as a joke, but I tried to have faith.

I did get to do one more scene, a minute or so of just hanging out on the bus. As a result, I got to meet some of the cast.

Tim specifically wanted to introduce me to Jack Black. He said he was a young kid that was really special and was gonna make his mark on the world. Many years later I put two and two together and realized I had met the future “School of Rock” star. (Did I tell you I had four kids in five years?)

Anyway, I keep waiting for the phone to ring for the follow-up movie. I’d like to see where they are now: Clarissa Flan deftly takes the reins from Bob and goes from wide-eyed follower to jaded, power-hungry movement leader. 

I’m going to start telling people that “Bob Roberts” is a movie about a young conservative folk singer named Clarissa Flan. My son may have made a monster.

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