PicoBlog

This question came in on a recent AMA, from a new male reader. Based upon his follow-up comments, I believe that he is sincere and interested in learning, if horribly naive and partially swept up in misogynist ideology.

I have just a sincere question. Despite the dialect (if i speak far right wing you would hate me too), what you say makes lots of sense to me. So I have a question please. Does the red pill guy end up getting the girl? Does self delusional confidence and the torturous experience of approaching like 1000 women beat self improvement work on everything else?

I want to begin by rephrasing your question, so that you understand why you might get a negative reaction from other readers.

Essentially, what you’re asking is this:

I know misogyny is wrong and violent. But does behaving in a violent and abusive manner toward women actually work? Will it get me sex?

To even consider whether red pill ideology is “worth it” in this regard, you have to be willing to dehumanize women. What you’re proposing is to damage the very women you want to sleep with. That choice always has consequences, even if they’re not immediately apparent.

But I want to address your question as asked, because I understand that being lonely sucks, and that many men turn to red pill ideology as an act of desperation (this, incidentally, is why feminism needs to offer something more appealing). Rejection sucks, and most men do not want to be alone.

You might get the girl if you do what red pillers tell you to do. But whether the girl you get is a good match for you, whether you keep her, and whether you’ll be happy with her or yourself…these are entirely different matters.

I write in more detail here about how red pill ideology may work in the short term, but ultimately dooms men to miserable long-term relationships.

The women who are drawn in by misogynist techniques are the women least likely to remain happy with these techniques. A woman with low self-esteem, who is content with a misogynist man who doesn’t care about her sexual pleasure, will quickly lose interest over time.

She will be extremely unhappy with you if you stay together. Even if you don’t care about her unhappiness, that unhappiness will spill out onto you. No one can spend their entire life serving a man and expecting only moderate financial support in return. She will resent you. She will lose sexual interest. Eventually, she’ll hate you. She’ll leave you if she can, and if she can’t, she’ll withdraw as much as possible. You will both be profoundly lonely.

I’ve talked a lot about the benefits of a feminist marriage for women—and how anything less than a fully liberatory feminist marriage just isn’t worth it at all.

Feminist marriages are better for men, too. I often look at the life my husband has compared to men in less equitable marriages, and I can see how on every measure of well-being, his life is better.

For one thing, I don’t hate or resent him, which means I’m nicer to him. There’s no nagging or complaining, no chronic low-level unhappiness. There’s more, and better, sex. I want him to like me and stay attracted to me, so I am constantly trying, and experimenting with ways to make his life better. Our family time is peaceful and fun, and each of us has a clear understanding of our roles and duties. We both get plenty of alone time and hobby time, but we mostly want to spend as much time together as possible.

One recent study found that feminist men have more sex. My own research confirms this.

These things are all great, but here’s the thing that I think matters most: My husband is leading a life of purpose and dignity. On his death bed, he will not have regrets. When he’s dead and gone, we will mourn rather than rejoice. He has not destroyed the psyches of his children or wife. His legacy will be a lasting one of building purpose and meaning—not a fleeting, meaningless legacy of destruction and hatred.

He has—we have—a better life than just about anyone else we know, and it’s a direct result of building real and lasting partnership. A feminist marriage built on mutual respect is the only way to build lasting partnership.

So does the red pill guy get the girl? He can get some girls, but only temporarily. Self-improvement is hard, but it’s also the only way to attain a life of real meaning.

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