eve rodsky's "fair play" method for dividing household labor will improve your marriage
I think 2 issues come into play... 1. Is it a preference? For example, that you like things done a specific way (like folding pants in a certain way) or 2. Does your partner just need more practice?
For preferences, you have to decide how important it is to you and if it's worth showing your partner how you like it done and asking if they agree (maybe explaining if there's a reason you like your pants folded in that particular way). Or you might decide it's more important to you that your partner participates in household chores equally whether or not they do things exactly the way you like them. He might have his own preferences and reasons for them, which we have to be willing to compromise. It goes both ways.
Most situations I think fall in the latter category though of men just being less experienced in these areas (or of course it could be weaponized incompetence, but I think we often jump to that too quickly before giving men the benefit of the doubt that they just aren't very good at it - YET). Again, I ask myself how important is it that things are done perfectly right away versus giving my partner time to improve his skill. If the dishes aren't clean because he didn't load the dishwasher very well or scrub very well, eventually, theoretically, he will get tired of it as well when he pulls a dirty dish out of the cupboard. Or if he doesn't get to that point, you may need to directly address it: "Hey, I noticed the dishes don't seem to be getting clean in the dishwasher. Can I show you the way I load it to see if that helps?"
It can be rough in the short-term, but it's nothing compared to spending the next 20 years doing all the things because your partner just "isn't very good at those things."
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