I gotta find peace of mind
I gotta find peace of mind
See, this what that voice in your head says
When you try to get peace of mind
I gotta find peace of mind
I gotta find peace of mind
He says it's impossible, but I know it's possible
He says it's impossible, but I know it's possible
He says there's no me without him
Please help me forget about him
He takes all my energy, trapped in my memory
Constantly holding me, constantly holding me
Lauryn Hill begs desperately to find peace of mind as she croons in my ear on her Columbia records live recording of I Gotta Find Peace of Mind.
I can relate. I haven’t always actively fought for my mental well-being, but it is now so important to me. The irony about trying your best to heal and grow is that sometimes you know the very things that will help but still struggle to do them. You know you should take a walk to clear your head, but you’ll remain glued to your bed, sitting with the same cyclical thoughts that plague you both awake or asleep. It’s often easier to show compassion to other people than to ourselves. Right now, one of my biggest struggles is spending quality time with God and I’m trying to remember to show myself grace.
Free, free your mind
Free, free, free, free your mind
Oh, it's so possible
Oh it's so possible
I'm telling you it's possible
I’m telling you it's possible- I’m not sure to what degree I believe this but I know I’ll believe again someday soon.
After an emotional therapy session, I sit in silence and listen to Hill sing about finding peace of mind on repeat. In the 9 minute+ song, she sings about battling the voice in her head, being reconciled with God and the rollercoaster of experiencing a revival of faith. I don’t feel estranged from God per se. I just feel like someone whose best friend moved to a different country so they don’t hang out as much anymore. They can still talk about everything, but they spend their precious minutes together swapping just the headlines, never mind the neighbour who had their blouse on backwards this morning. And yes, I know God doesn’t move.
By the third listen, I feel better.
I’ve been thinking about how gospel music is defined. I remember having a conversation with a friend about how some of the greatest, grooviest reggae songs of all time are straight up scripture. I couldn’t believe it but he pulled out song after song, endless verses culled from Psalms, the book of Proverbs, and even the Gospels.
On Rastafari is, Peter Tosh sings:
He's the mighty
Mighty one
Thunderable
Thunderable one
He's the omnipotent
Omnipotent one
Magnificent, super
Magnificent one
You better worship
Worship him
You better praise,
Praise him
In the mid sixties, Bob Marley and the Wailers covered Let the Lord Be Seen in You- a sober call to reflect Christ in our daily lives. Majek Fashek’s Holy Spirit and Our Father are some of the songs that bring me comfort when I’m bogged down by all the evil in the world. There are numerous other examples of music from Artistes we don’t necessarily consider christian, singing the truth, asking difficult questions, stimulating our consciousness of the collective human experience. Perhaps they felt exiled at some point too- recipients of unearned companionship from a God who meets you where you are, who somehow understands how the dots in your mind connect. I mean, of course He made you and He knows you better than anyone does, but its hard to reconcile that when you feel fundamentally broken. Your brain conspires with your hormones to tell you lies and sometimes you listen.
These days, our communication mostly consists of tears and singing along but I get the sense that God doesn’t mind. This indisciplined approach to fellowship is almost exciting. It feels like having an affair with your own husband, meeting on the fringes of what is generally found acceptable. If there was such a thing as an edification meter, I’m not sure how well my spirit would fare but these songs do more for my soul than the plethora of “He butter my bread; He sugar my tea” popularly accepted gospel songs.
Hill ends her song in tears, singing about how merciful God is. And I know He is. It might not feel like it right now, but I know it as deeply as I know my own name.
What a joy it is to be alive
To get another chance, yeah
Everyday's another chance
To get it right this time
Everyday's another chance
Oh what a merciful, merciful, merciful God
Oh what a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful God
I gotta find peace of mind. I agree. Peace of mind is found in God. I also agree. If only his children would be kinder to people who don’t look or act like them, who are simply trying to find some peace.
ncG1vNJzZmismJq%2FsK3MoqWgoJWWv7V60q6ZrKyRmLhvr86mZqlnmWK0sMDTmmSfoZ6ZerGxwJycZqeWYrqqusM%3D