PicoBlog

There are certain experiences in my life that permeate my soul. These certain experiences move me to think deeply about the most important pillars of society. I carry these around as precious treasures that are able to teach me about how the world and humanity functions. Below are two recent experiences I had the privilege of having.

A work friend invited me to his wedding, and I was honored to experience a Sundanese wedding for the first time. I was there for 4 hours and only experienced about 25% of it as it lasts two days. The Sunda tribe is from West Java and is one of the largest and most influential in Indonesia.

I witnessed the dowry exchange, which is where the groom provides a payment to the bride’s parents. This event was the final payment of the dowry as the initial payment is done at the engagement. This event is solely done between males (groom, both fathers, and a Muslim priest). There were no females in this exchange as it is a patriarchal society. Once this is complete, the marriage is finalized and binding.

After this, the celebration began. The groom was able to meet and be with his bride after dancers made the way for him to meet her down the aisle. Once they meet, they are escorted by the dancers to take their seats on the stage (see picture below). As they seat, both parents take their seats on each side of the couple. Speeches are given, songs are sung, games are cheered, and the party begins.

It was noticeable how involved the families were. It truly was a family affair, and not between the individuals. The marriage was a marriage between the families not just the individuals.

The wedding is an open invitation, meaning that anyone with any connection to the bride or groom is welcome to attend, eat, and socialize. A entire office is invited, an entire village/town, an entire neighborhood. There is no exclusions in invitations or it would be considered shameful to the family. The hall for the ceremony had enough seats for 500+ but only around 150-200 were occupied because people would come and go throughout the day. Weddings of over 1000 people are not uncommon. There was an endless buffet that was open the entire 4 hours I was there with amazing food.

Recently, I was able to attend an engagement ceremony in a rural island village near the resort I work at. It was for a former colleague. I coincidentally was staying in her village for a few days with a tour group when her engagement was occurring. This village is made up of about 80 families, primarily working as subsistence fishermen, and only has (inconsistent) electricity 14 hours a day. It is a beautiful and rich community filled with complexity and immense hospitality. This region is home to the culturally rich Riau Malay people that have inhabited this region for over a thousand years.

The engagement seemed as important as the wedding itself in comparison to Western standards. There was formal invitations and formal dress was required. I was fortunate to be able to borrow traditional Malay formal attire from a friend of mine for this special event.

The event was held at the bride’s house, and the entire groom’s family walked from his house to the brides to initiate the ceremony. Outside the house, many were in attendance. There was a huge tent with tables and huge speakers. A huge display of food and immense decor inside the house.

As the Imam (Muslim priest) initiated the ceremony, he recited through traditional Muslim prayers weaving and guiding the families through the engagement process. The cermony proceeded inside the house, while everyone in attendance was outside so we could not witness firsthand. However, the imam had a microphone so that everyone could hear him outside. One of my Indonesian friends was able to help translate culturally what was happening in real time.

At first, the future bride was hidden in the back room as her parents and the future groom and his family agreed upon the terms of the wedding. Part of the terms is the agreement upon the dowry amount. Even though there is already a pre-set arrangement for approximately $3,500, the bride’s father asks for more to make it seem that her daughter has a higher value. The groom and his father counter offer him and they eventually agree on the pre determined amount. The man will pay a portion of the dowry now, and then the rest will be paid on the day of the wedding.

After this the woman will enter and they will all be together. We all ate and took pictures together, and quickly had to depart as our boat was leaving to return back to the resort.

Below is a picture of the future bride greeting her future family as well as a picture of myself and a colleague of mine with the future bride.

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