PicoBlog

What would “The Dude” say?

Probably this: “Say it ain’t so, man!”

My thoughts turned to “The Big Lebowski” and the bravura performance of the immortal Jeff Bridges, who famously portrayed “The Dude” (Jeffrey Lebowski), when I read last week about the closing of another local bowling alley.

If you haven’t ever seen “Lebowski,” a cult masterpiece released by the Coen brothers in 1998, your life has been severely diminished. Go out and find it, watch it. Then watch it again; once is not enough. See it at least 10 times. (I sure have.)

There are many bowling scenes in “Lebowski.” Joining “The Dude” on his team are Walter Sobchak (John Goodman), an emotional Vietnam vet with explosive PTSD, and Donny Kerabatsos (Steve Buscemi), who tragically doesn’t make it to the end of the movie. (He perishes during a fight in the bowling alley’s parking lot). A roller on a rival team, Jesus Quintana, is played to the hilt by John Turturro.

From page one of the New Haven Register, Thursday, March 7: Devon Duckpin Bowling Lanes of Milford is going out of business. The story quoted “retired professional duckpin bowler” Sandi Johnson, who blames cellphones for that alley’s demise.

“As soon as the games went onto phones, it was just a total ‘I can stay home. I don’t have to do this,’” she said. “Now kids can get on there and bowl a perfect game all the time, which is why I never play on those things.”

Johnson said video game bowling on mobile phones has “strangled” what was left of duckpin alleys.

I didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. My wife, sitting across from me at the breakfast table, started Googling around on her phone and announced: “You can download a bowling app.”

“Right,” I said. “I can’t wait to ‘download a bowling app.’ Jesus! Are you kidding me?”

I flashed back to ancient history, the mid-to-late 1960s, in my hometown of Mount Kisco, N.Y. Every summer my brother and I and our friends organized or joined a bowling league at Crossroads, where we played against a cross section of interesting and endearing folks. Well, maybe not as extremely interesting as the bowlers in “The Big Lebowski,” but still — fun memories! Camaraderie!

One year we competed in The Teenage Sock-It-to-Me League; another time it was The Long, Hot Summer League. I dredged that second title just this morning when I found the only bowling trophy I seem to have held onto: it lists that league’s name. Beneath it is inscribed: “5th Place.”

Hell no, we weren’t champion bowlers. We didn’t care! We were there to have some fun on a summer night. Our team names included: Zoo Breath. And the Freak Show. Remember, this was the ‘60s.

We dressed in old-time long-length striped bathing suits that we’d ordered from some catalogue. For “good luck,” my brother Ben carried with him “The Calico stick,” a yardstick from an adjacent fabric store, Calico Corners, where he had a summer job.

Crossroads is gone now (so is Calico Corners). Where do Kisco’s kids bowl these days? I haven’t a clue. They’re probably oblivious, doubtless home on their cellphones and streaming TVs and video games and laptops. Just sitting there. All by themselves.

The deaths of Crossroads and Devon Duckpin Bowling Lanes reflect a national trend. In the 1960s there were about 11,500 bowling alleys in America. Now there are fewer than 3,000. That’s just sad.

People who don’t bowl get confused about the types of bowling, so let me enlighten you. The most popular is 10-pin bowling, which you see in “Lebowski” and which we played at Crossroads. Duckpin bowling is “the middle child” between 10-pin and candlepin. The balls in duckpin are lighter and the pins are shorter compared with 10-pin.

The New Haven Register reported there are only 10 duckpin alleys left in Connecticut. Bob Nugent, owner of Woodlawn Duckpin in West Haven says he’s still doing a fine business. But he aggressively recruits players — he roams around golf courses and softball fields to find new bowlers.

I confess I’m part of the problem. I haven’t played in a bowling league since those long-ago summers at Crossroads. When we all went off to colleges or wherever, most of us lost track of each other. On the rare occasions when I bowl, it’s on a single night with a couple of friends. I haven’t picked up a bowling ball in about 10 years.

My two daughters, now in their 30s, have never bowled in a league. In high school they were too preoccupied with their soccer teams. They’re in L.A. now, and while they might bowl occasionally, the leagues they’ve joined are for soccer, kickball and even dodgeball. Not bowling. Sad!

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