PicoBlog

Twitter

This week everyone has been unreasonably mad about various stupid things. That’s the status quo for twitter but we’ve been cycling through topics at an alarming rate and growing hostility. We’re also recording some of the hottest temperatures on record. It’s making everyone irritable and annoying. If you’re reading and you’re saying well I’m not being irritable and annoying, you are and you need to take a shower or go jump in a pool. I’m tired of watching people yell at each other about dating apps. There’s just something about them that inspires the lowest form of conversation. Even the arguments are boring. 

Ice Cream So Good

If you’ve ever spent more than 30 seconds on a TikTok Live, you’ll know it is a desolate landscape. TikTok Live is the Back Alley that finances the rest of the app. Sure creators like this weeks TikTok Oddity, PinkyDoll can make money from Brand Deals and Ads but many make money through being sent “gifts” via TikTok Live. The content could be anything but it has become a kind of depraved channel that is designed to overwhelm and confuse. Everything in that world is dark and vaguely sexual. It is the place where the pleasure centers of everyone’s brains have been destroyed and everyone just responds to lights and loud noises.

The worst thing in the world to me is watching people on Twitter try to figure out the mechanics of how it works. It is emulating the conversations I have in real life where people describe a meme to me and I have to pretend to think about it for a minute instead of knowing what they’re going to say before they say it. Watching people I used to respect try to figure out the worst part of an app I know well is just the online version of an interaction I thought I could only experience in real life. The online version is worse. 

Barbenheimer

On Friday, Barbie and Oppenheimer will finally be released to the general public and we will be free from this national nightmare. I can’t believe we’re still dealing with this. There are times when I long for the monoculture. Something I never experienced but wish I had, just to be free of the stupid shit that exists in my brain instead. Every attempt to return in our time is bloated and overdone. The press cycle for these two movies has been too long and I need to think about something else. Baby Gronk and Livvy. Ariana Grande’s Divorce. Inflation. Anything trivial and fleeting. Something that’s not the same thing we were taking about in June, May, or even April. I am no better than the rest of my generation and I need this to be over. I have finally been broken. Even the jokes about the jokes are stale. I’ll see the movies but I need everyone to stop talking about them. The SAG strike is historic and good for so many reasons but selfishly, my favorite is that there are no more red carpets for these two movies.

Cocomelon parent

As the new generation ages into parenthood, we question the follies of the generation before us. We’re all aware of and nervous about Gen Alpha and their iPad based upbringing. Those of us without children are currently posturing about all the ways we’ll do it better. There is a named evil in the form of Cocomelon. Whatever trials and tribulations we may face in parenthood, we will draw the line at Cocomelon. What shall we replace Cocomelon with? There is the desire to be a cool parent and share the things you enjoyed with your child. When all else fails, we have the eternal joke of babies doing something that is bad for them. Babies smoking cigarettes always plays. While this meme gathers all those anxieties into one place, it’s not very entertaining or interesting. What’s the difference between showing the baby Sharp Objects or Tár? The punchline changes but the joke stays the same, each version less insightful and funny than the last. 

When You Get Paid Biweekly

Memes often enjoy a life cycle that few people pay attention to. I’m sure some people remember this ancient text but for many this image is entirely new. Maybe they just started getting paid biweekly. Right now new versions of this meme are being made that will be circulated until the next time this meme needs an apex. I’d love to say it’s simple and easy but that would be denying how it cuts right to the bone. We’ve spent a lot of time trying to create memes that radicalize people about our current economic system. Memes that attempt to teach definitions and explain economic theory. The only economic theory I need is Ice Soup. We all know and understand Ice Soup. The freedom with which we spend when the paycheck hits and the barebones lifestyle we must adopt after we’ve burned through it all with $7 coffees. 

Hot Summer Nights Mid July

There are several holidays that are internet only. The only point of them is to acknowledge that we are sharing in a collective culture. That we all have a shared point of reference and to remind each other that something we all thought would be a good instagram caption in 2013 is still a fun lyric attached to a time of year. Nothing feels like summer quite like a Lana Del Rey song from the Baz Luhrmann adaptation of the Great Gatsby. We all remember that moment in American culture. Every prom across the country had that theme because all the juniors read it in English class. Every girl with a tumblr was hard at work reblogging edits to Young and Beautiful. Nothing feels quite like being a teenager in summer for a certain generation, quite like that song. These meme is a commemoration of that time and a recognition of our current place in time. Hot Summer Nights, Mid July, when you and I were forever wild. 

Tik Tok

Adam Jockle

There’s a new semi ironic heartthrob on TikTok. He’s a men’s fashion aficionado and he loves Starbucks. He has a mesmerizing and studied way of talking. He is positive. He is consistent. His name is Adam Jockle and his rise is just beginning. Right now, he’s in the sweet spot. He’s getting popular because he’s a little bit silly but people stay because there is an admirable X factor there. It’s not real love but it’s close. Soon we will miss the days when his fan base liked him, before it becomes purely ironic and snowballs into outright making fun of him. For now, those of us who get it will enjoy what we have while it lasts. 

Which [X] Are You?

TikTok will always find the lowest common denominator way to achieve something. A few weeks ago people developed fun little what would you do quizzes. Would you survive various situations based on how you dressed and the choices you made. Now we have a “choose your own” or “ask your friends” version. Personality quizzes with one option and the choice is “pick which one you like :)” I’m not saying these aren’t fun and funny, especially the ironic ones, but it is fun to watch people find the easiest way to feel validated in their clothing/personality choice. Instead of making a quiz with correct answers and bad outcomes, there’s now a version where everyone gets what they want and no one is challenged. For some people, it’s more fun this way but for me it will always be more fun to figure out the puzzle and play the game. We’re all adults*, we can handle some stakes. 

*Most of these are definitely made by high schoolers for other high schoolers. So probably not.

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