PicoBlog

This Valentine’s Day, I asked some of my “middle aged” pals about their most memorable early celebrity crushes, the ones that made their virgin bodies tingle and giggle.

So, I consulted friends who prefer men (sometimes women) between the ages of 38-44.

Our responses showcase the heartthrobs the media was shoving down our throats (ahem) at the time. And they also highlight who wasn’t prevalent in the media. There were few Black, and I’d say nearly no Latino or Asian, men cast as really hunky leads in mainstream features that preteens would likely have seen. The first who comes to mind is Taye Diggs in How Stella Got Her Grove Back (I wore out my VHS!) and that was a crossover film in 1998.

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One friend noted that in the early-to-mid-’90s (our adolescent years), there were a lot of crush “rivalries” like Denzel Washington v. Wesley Snipes, Joey v. Jordan of New Kids on the Block, Jason Priestley v. Luke Perry from 90210.

I always favored the pretty boy in any of these discussions, but my real “a-ha” man moment was with this guy.

Something happened to me when I first saw beefy former-Black Flag frontman, author, spoken word dude, and all around babe Henry Rollins screaming in Henry Rollins Band’s “Liar” video in 1994.

I’d certainly had crushes on celebrities before. Like in 1990, I fell for Poison’s Bret Michaels and Emilio Estevez in Young Guns II. I mean I was obsessed with that whole cast — Kiefer Sutherland, Lou Diamond Phillips, and Christian Slater, too. But there was a particularly notable “adult” awakening and foreshadowing in my reaction to Rollins’ fury, absurdity, and all-in commitment to the performance.

The song is about a seemingly nice guy in thick-framed glasses who’s actually a manipulative, well, liar. I would say that all of my subsequent romantic partnerships spring from this Rollins well in either theme and/or intensity. And that’s probably my biggest red flag.

Oddly, I now live in the suburbs of Washington, D.C., not far from where Rollins was born, raised, and rose to fame.

And, I LOVE that today, Feb. 13, is his birthday!

My cousin Farrah Farley (who wanted to be named) said that her awakening came with Matthew McConaughey’s standout performance in the 1996 classic, A Time to Kill.

“Something about him always drenched in sweat fighting against racism in the South got me turned on,” she says.

I saw this film in the theater with another friend on this list. There’s a scene where McConaughey lifts himself up on his elbow, flexing his glistening arm. The whole theater gasped.

Farrah not only now lives in Austin, Texas, where McConaughey also lives, but is married to a Texan who shares the star’s accent. As an adult, she’s been in the same room as McConaughey two times and neither time has he spoken to her.

She also wanted to shout out the ageless and gorgeous Lenny Kravitz and dreamy Ethan Hawke in Reality Bites (1994) — for me it was Hawke in Dead Poets Society (1989).

“OK, so mine was Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall (1994), for what to me seem like embarrassingly obvious reasons,” shares another friend. “Kind of the bad boy of the family, cowboy stuff, the gorgeous Montana wilderness, and ugh god just his face and bod. He’s still my celebrity crush to this day.” And I think we can all agree that Pitt remains an incredibly well-preserved stud.

“I also had some very interesting and definitely sexual feelings towards Liv Tyler in Empire Records (1995),” she continues. “Those pouty lips and that fuzzy sweater drove me wild and I didn’t know why! She was kind of a brat, and at times so was I, so maybe it also validated that part of me that I didn’t like.”

I would add that Liv Tyler and the entire Stealing Beauty (1996) narrative were particularly arousing for any virginal teenager, whatever their sexual preference.

“Mine, of course, was Keanu Reeves. He was so cool in Point Break (1991),” shares another friend. “I was also a California girl dreaming of a surfer thug. Then came Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992) — I was obsessed!  I loved his beady eyes. LOL. Then Hollywood started showing us his romantic side with Walk in the Clouds (1995) and Paula Abdul’s ‘Rush’ video. Loved! To be honest, I still find him hot AF.”

I was also gaga for Keanu, especially in Dracula, a film so red hot that it could boil a frozen lake.

“I need a therapy session to figure out which of every white on-screen man was the one that turned me out,” says one man friend, “but I think it comes down to Jon Stewart from his MTV show days. Those eyes and hair combination, his wit, incredible bone structure, semi-tight jeans… Wait, that’s me now! And like many others, I still find Jon Stewart very beddable.”

He also shouts out the stunning and likewise hilarious Paul Rudd — who was Alicia Silverstone’s (above) stepbrother in Clueless (1995) — and who hasn’t aged a day since. He’s a dreamboat even as the most obnoxious character in Only Murders in the Building.

Another friend says, “the eyebrow raise for me came from Johnny Depp in 21 Jump Street (1987-91),” and it’s safe to say she’s not alone there! “I also def thought Leonardo DiCaprio was super cute in Growing Pains (1991).” And before he hit with a severe case of keg face, Leo was indeed a beauty.

Another man friend was lured in by an animated crew. “Not real people: X-Men. all of them,” he says. “Now Jean, Cyclops, and Wolverine are poly/open throuple. And almost all of them are queer now, especially the young ones, and they’re all (even then-understood as villains) living on an island.

“Also wild: the island produces anything they need like medicine and they sell it on the black market to humans.”

Truly, a fantasy for any young buck with a mind for business and interest in threesomes.

That’s what I got for this day of affection! I hope you get all the love you need and want this Valentine’s Day — and every day!

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