On Dating Mexican Men - Misseducated by Tash Doherty
Since I moved to Mexico in March 2022, I have only dated Mexican men (and one American girl, who you can read about here and here). This week, one of my female friends was curious about my experiences. What are Mexican men like? How did our relationships play out? What language did we speak together?
Today, I’m going to answer as many of those questions for you as I can. As you’ll see, I’m focused on each person as an individual. I am not going to generalize about a population of 63 million men in Mexico from a sample size of six. Still, they had some similarities that I’ll discuss later on.
I’ve changed some main identifiers so they can remain anonymous.
Let’s get into it!
Background: One foreign female specimen, equipped with average Spanish skills and a healthy sexual appetite, sampled six male specimens aged 25 - 42 from the dating pool in Mexico City from March 2022 - February 2024.
Her age: 27-29
Her intentions: Fun (March 2022 - August 2023); Long-term relationship with the intention of having a family (August 2023 – present).
Her sexual preferences: Weirdos, tattoos, intelligence, sexplorative, high level of education, financial stability to support future offspring’s education and creativity.
Her indifferences: Height (the men in the female’s family are very tall already).
Age: 27
Origin: Tlalpan, Mexico City
Characteristics: Long, curly hair with tattoos. Artist, history nerd, cocktail-maker, and a bit of a weirdo. Lived in an apartment with his parents and siblings.
Relationship language: Spanish for the first 5 months, then Spanglish
Meeting summary: At the coffee shop where he worked. He said he was attracted to her red dress and mess of sticky notes she was using to plot her novel. Female asked for a coffee at 4PM, but the male had already closed down the machine. He felt bad. The next day, he gave her a free coffee with latte art in the shape of a cat. The female was hooked.
Most exceptional skills: Excellent oral sex for the female. And making latte art in the shapes of cats, swans, bears, and seahorses, much to her delight.
Strengths: Excellent emotional support to the female; generously purchased gifts and books, drew cute drawings, and wrote poems for her.
Weaknesses: He never introduced the female to his friends or invited her over; he only slept over at her house twice in their entire relationship. They spent so much time together that the female did not have time to nurture other friendships.
Relationship summary: Many cute dates and special times together, but ultimately, the female did not want a relationship and bargained to keep the relationship open. This hurt the male and many a disagreement ensued.
Discoveries: Regrettably, the class difference was challenging. The female felt guilty for wanting to go out to dinner when the male worked so much harder than her but made less money, and he could never get time off work to travel.
Total relationship length: 10 months
Breakup language: English
Read more about Specimen 1: The Barista here and here (Section 3).
Age: 32
Origin: Mexicali, Baja California
Characteristics: Norteño (Northener). Long, straight hair. Good job at a leading Mexican real estate startup.
Relationship language: Spanish
Meeting summary: Bumble, then the specimens bumped into each other in real life at Café Nin in Juarez.
Most exceptional skill: Responding to text messages quickly
Strengths: He lived close to the female which made mid-week hookups convenient; he had a good body and was very independent and responsible, organizing construction at his family’s house.
Weaknesses: Despite a good salary, very reluctant to spend any money on the female or himself, especially his clothes. He once called an Uber home only three minutes after they had finished having sex. On another occasion, he essentially forced the female to give him a blowjob without her consent.
Relationship summary: Male was only interested in regular sex with the female.
Discoveries: Casual sex is not going to fulfill even basic deeper needs. The female deserves someone who loves her, cares about her, and isn’t afraid to spend money on things they can enjoy together.
Total relationship length: 6 months
Breakup language: Spanish
Age: 42
Origin: Mérida, Yucatán
Characteristics: Self-described creative and “Yucateco.” Short stature and strong body composition. The only child of retired parents. Still lived with housemates. Nice tattoos.
Relationship language: Spanglish
Meeting summary: Outside a concert venue, the female complimented the male’s green glasses from Moscot (signaling his good taste). He then joined her with her friends for tacos.
Most exceptional skill: Personal style and design sensibilities
Strengths: Reliable, helpful; good understanding of creative industries with a strong network of well-connected, inspiring friends.
Weaknesses: Too obsessed with AI art. He treated servers and service people badly, which offended the female.
Relationship summary: The male said he didn’t want anything serious, so the female compartmentalized their relationship as sex-only. Later on another date, the male complained to the female that he didn’t feel she was being intimate enough with him. The male’s workaholism, uncertain travel plans, and lack of interest in a proper relationship proved insurmountable.
Discoveries: A male needs to treat service workers with respect. Did not meet the female’s criteria for wanting a relationship or family.
Total relationship time: 4 months
Breakup language: Spanish
Age: 25
Origin: Coyoacán, Mexico City
Characteristics: Young, free-spirited, and passionate about mountaineering. Dropped out of a good university to pursue startup opportunities (the startup has since failed). Unknowingly effeminate, attracting a lot of male attention. Lived with housemates.
Relationship language: Spanish
Meeting summary: At a live music event concert, En La Sala
Most exceptional skill: Running
Strengths: The male seemed genuinely impressed by what the female was doing with her life and treated the female to a lovely sushi dinner.
Weaknesses: He struggled to make decisions independently without his close female friend and seemed lost in life.
Relationship summary: After the male attended the female’s book launch, they made out in a club. The male was unreliable and flakey for follow-up dinner dates. The female left him voice messages to say she felt angry and disappointed and was no longer interested in dating him. Things have thawed. They are acquaintances again.
Discoveries: Being lost in life is also a very unattractive quality to the female. She wants someone she can rely on to help her make big life decisions.
Total relationship time: Friendship: 1 year – present; Romantic: 3 weeks
Breakup language: Spanish
Read more about Specimen 4: Runner Boy here and here.
Age: 31
Origin: Santa Fe, Mexico City
Characteristics: Good looking, strong hairline and mustache. Regular at the boxing gym. Attended university in the United States. Older parents retired to Acapulco. Dog dad to two dogs.
Relationship language: English
Meeting summary: Both specimens were contestants on Sexico City, a live blind dating show.
Most exceptional skill: Building and selling companies
Strengths: Very large and beautiful apartment close by. Took the female out to delicious meals. The female enjoyed playing couple with him and walking with his dogs in their neighborhood.
Weaknesses: The dogs annoyed the female (one had belonged to his ex-girlfriend), and when one was sick, it shat blood on the floor, and the female cleaned it up. No oral sex for the female, very disappointing; did not last long in bed; had a strange orgasm face; said “No?” in a very annoying way; only talked about his next business idea.
Relationship summary: Strong sexual chemistry developed into spending multiple nights at each other’s houses over two weeks. Then the male told the female he felt no emotional connection to her, which reactivated some of her deeper childhood trauma, which she hadn’t expected.
Discoveries: The female needed help and started attending a 12-step fellowship for Adult Children of Alcoholic and/or Dysfunctional families. It seems the female’s intuition about males, because of her hormones, can be totally wrong at times. If she feels abandoned in a relationship, it’s probably because the male is not meeting her emotional needs.
Total relationship time: 1 month
Breakup language: English
Read more about Specimen 5: Andrzej here and here.
Age: 33
Origin: Pedregal, Mexico City
Characteristics: Tall, receding hairline, strange creature-like tattoos, a bit of a weirdo. From a large and close-knit Catholic family. Architect with love for art and design. Lives with his parents. Not a huge fan of people or social interaction.
Relationship language: Spanglish
Meeting summary: Brunch on a Thursday with mutual friends, which turned into day drinking and partying until 2 in the morning.
Most exceptional skills: Driving while high, being courteous, and making his side of the bed
Strengths: Physically a very compatible size with the female; very cute grin on his face when he was excited and wanted to kiss the female; comfortable with his feminine qualities and sexuality, including his sensitivities and shyness; invited the female to friend and family gatherings. Male’s family owned a house in the female’s favorite town outside Mexico City.
Weaknesses: Smoked a lot of cigarettes and a couple joints a day; never messaged the female more than once per day on average; had physical and mental health issues that the female felt helpless to resolve.
Relationship summary: They took things slowly with sexual activities but slept at each other’s houses a couple of times. The female expressed the need for more regular communication. Still, after the male said he would communicate more, nothing materially changed. The female left a 4-minute voice note on his phone about how much she wanted to be with him but felt frustrated that he was not communicating with her. She has not heard back.
Discoveries: If a red flag like substance abuse comes up in a relationship, pay attention to it and try not to run away with the fairies. The female needs to pay attention to how the male makes her feel when she’s around them. She might really like him but come away from hanging out with him feeling drained and depressed. Also, a male’s regular communication and effort to arrange dates is a bare minimum for the female, and she should not feel guilty about having emotional needs.
Total relationship time: 1 month
Breakup language: English
Read more about Specimen 6: Luís here, here, and here.
Here are some of my very scientific drawings. I am sorry they are drawn so terribly. I can try to draw these better in the future.
The female is now fluent in Spanish and has learned a lot about her preferences for a male long-term partner and potential father of her future offspring. She has decided to stay in Mexico for the foreseeable future and is looking for a long-term partner.
As of February 23rd, 2024, she realized she was not meeting enough males in the wild and wanted to learn from relationships faster. She has recommitted to using the dating app, Bumble.
A couple themes emerged from the Mexican men in the sample, compared to the female’s previous French, American, and other partners:
This sample was more likely to use loving, romantic language and send kissing or heart emojis at the beginning of the romantic relationship than men in other cultures.
This sample was more likely to live with their parents well into their late 20s and early 30s.
This sample was more likely to spend extended periods of quality time with their parents, siblings, and cousins, if not their childhood friends.
The level of English fluency was often determined by their class or financial status.
Can you guess which male the female thinks most highly of? Rank them 1-6 from highest to lowest. Paid subscribers can get the answer now…
I hope you enjoyed this piece! I will keep you updated on future experiments.
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