PicoBlog

I wanted to use this post to write a little bit about something outside my usual beat. It’s about my favorite author, Leo Tolstoy.

In my next post, I’ll get back to transparency and the internet, including Meta’s big US 2020 research project and why the most important part of the project had nothing to do with the results. But, for now, let’s dig into some Russian literature.

Unless you’re an avid reader of classic literature or just a fan of Russian history, you might not know much more about Tolstoy than the fact that he wrote War & Peace and Anna Karenina. In fact, when his name comes up, it might conjure an image something like this:

The truth is that not only was Tolstoy one of the greatest fiction writers in history, but he was a moral, political, and religious leader in Russia.

Over the course of his life, he regularly denounced how the Russian government, especially Tsar Nicholas II, treated serfs and was subsequently harassed by the secret Russian police. He was one of the few prominent outspoken critics of the Russian Orthodox Church, to the point of getting excommunicated. He wrote a number of influential religious and economic tracts, including ones that had a deep influence on Mahatma Gandhi, Wittgenstein, Cesar Chavez, and MLK, Jr. among others. His teachings gave birth to an entire social movement (”Tolstoyanism”). In fact, for a lot of Russians, he was considered a veritable saint.

But that’s not even all of it.

He was also the first war correspondent in history, he wrote an education curriculum that was adopted by the entire country (as well as numerous children’s books), he helped stave off several massive famines and of course, he wrote (at least) 2 of the greatest works of literature in history in War & Peace and Anna Karenina. You could argue the Death of Ivan Ilyich is up there somewhere as well.

He’s actually an astonishing figure and ironically, he uses a big chunk of the end of War & Peace to rebut the idea that individual figures ever really dictate history that much. That’s why there have been some very serious (but not very good) movies made about him and even more serious (but much better) books written about him. There’s a shocking amount in his life that’s still incredibly relevant to today.

At some point, I started reading through some of Tolstoy’s biographies and diaries and a funny thing happened along the way. While I was reading A.N. Wilson’s biography of Tolstoy (which is terrific), he had a line that changed the whole way I looked at the author: he described Tolstoy’s marriage to his wife Sofia as the “unhappiest marriage in the history of literature”.

That line stayed with me and as I read more about the relationship between Leo and Sofia, I couldn’t help but start imagining them as a kind of real-life, Russian version of Frank and Estelle. And I couldn’t help but laugh.

And that’s when I started reconsidering his entire life as a comedy. The more I read, the more hilarious moments I started seeing. Here’s just a small list:

• Tolstoy and his wife used to complain about it to each other in their diaries…and it was because they both knew that the other one secretly read the other person’s diary. Amazing.

• He was so unhappy towards the end of his life that his only goal in life was to escape Sofia, a fact he would tell every one of his guests that came to visit. So, he finally did (more on that below) and as soon as he got to the first train station, he called her to tell her he’d escaped.

• After she heard that he had finally escaped, she ran through their estate, past a ton of her servants & staff, and threw herself into their pond because she didn’t want to live without him. But it was only three feet deep (a fact she was totally aware of).

• He believed in celibacy. He also had 16 kids.

• He also really loved an old couch he had in his office and whenever he had guests, he’d always sit down on the couch with them. It’s also literally where his 16 kids were all delivered. Which he would eventually point out to the guests visiting him.

I started exploring this idea a few years ago (including the degree to which so much of his success was actually the result of hard work, business acumen, and personal sacrifices of Sophia), and I ended up starting a writing project that has been ongoing for several years at this point…namely, writing a screenplay based on his life but approaching his entire life as a comedy instead of a drama. Amadeus meets Tolstoy.

The main reason I’m sharing all of this is simply that it’s been a really fun & rewarding side project that has zero prospects of ever turning anything more and that’s totally ok. I’ve loved every minute I spent on it. My wife and I have had countless hilarious discussions about different scenes & funny lines or just used different parts of the story to explore our own ideas about relationships, kids, and life. I’ve learned more about Russian history than I ever imagined, used the project as a chance to learn more about screenwriting & storytelling and of course, it’s been an excuse to go back to Tolstoy’s writing on a regular basis, which is its own reward.

I wanted to write this post mostly as a reminder of the importance of making sure we’re all finding excuses to exercise some creativity in the course of our daily lives, even if it’s just for our own enjoyment and even if it means stepping outside our comfort zone or skillset. Maybe especially so.

But all that being said, I thought I’d actually push a little farther today and share some of the writing I’ve done.

They say that any good movie or show can essentially be captured in its opening scene. So, to that end, below is the opening scene that I wrote in my imaginary 6-part Netflix series about the life of the greatest author who ever lived and the ridiculous but real-life Forrest Gump-esque story of his actual life, and the hilarious but ultimately tragic relationship he had with his wife (and why it was all his fault of course).

Ok, here goes.

• Black screen and silence.

• A simple white text shows up and tells us that it’s the year 1909 in Russia and the text fades away.

• It’s completely quiet for several seconds when suddenly you hear a scratching noise. You’re not sure what it is but it’s loud and abrupt and also over quickly. Silence takes over again. Then the same scratching noise. Then it happens again and you can finally see that it’s the sound of a single match being lit and out of the darkness, you see part of an old man’s face light up. The old man leans forward and uses the match to light a candle. The candle illuminates even more of the space and you realize the old man is kneeling next to a bed and he begins waking up a sleeping old man.

• ”Sir...sir…she’s asleep…it’s time to go…this is it”.

• The sleeping man opens his eyes surprisingly quickly, almost as if he weren’t really sleeping, and out of nowhere, the silence ends and the Flight of the Bumblebees kicks off.

• The old man has a disheveled look about him & seems almost sickly thin but once the music starts, he explodes into movement. He grabs a bag that is under his bed that makes it clear he’s ready for this, deftly grabs a few strategic photos and with a huge sweeping gesture, shoves a huge stack of papers and books and pencils into his all-purpose travel bag. He’s a writer. This is Tolstoy. He looks for his shoes and goes to grab them but at the last minute, clearly decides not to take them for some reason and instead bounds out of the room shoeless*.

• Together, the old men scramble through the dark candlelit hallways of a large, old manor, jutting through servant hallways, bounding downstairs and turning corners blinding, all while trying to be quiet but obviously failing. The scene editing keeps up with the music. At the 33-second mark of Flight of the Bumblebees, they slow down and gingerly step past a mysterious bedroom…then they’re off to the races again. They eventually make their way through the kitchen, past the help who are confused to see them, and eventually out of the house where a third person is waiting for them but has fallen asleep. He wakes up quickly and how all three are running through the manicured lawn under the moonlight. Dogs bark in the distance.

• As they clumsily scramble over a tall rock wall that marks the outer bounds of the large property, you can see the faint hint of a silhouette of a figure standing in an upstairs window watching them. The old man might even glance back at her at one point but it’s not clear. They continue the escape beyond the manor. At one point the old man runs into a tree but he isn’t fazed.

• They eventually get to some horses who are tied up and waiting for them. Now they’re all on horseback, galloping in the bright moonlight over the rolling Russian hillside. They ride for 12 miles, up and down ravines, over frozen creeks and eventually arriving at a small, mostly empty train station. There are two people waiting for them who come out of the shadows as they approach and without speaking, the old man is given his ticket.

• Flight of the Bumblebees comes to an end as the doors to the train car open to an absolutely packed 4th class train car made up of families of farmers who obviously have been on the train for a very long-time. They’re gaunt, dirty, and exhausted. They are old, young, and everything in between. Some are wide awake, some are asleep where they’re standing. You can tell that it smells. It’s unclear if they’re heading somewhere or returning but it is clear that they are also used to the situation they’re in.

• The old man goes out of his way to avoid eye contact with any of them as they squeeze into some window seats. They aren’t seated for more than a few minutes when an old but distinguished-looking guest pushes his way through the crowded train and stop before the old man. An uncomfortable few moments pass and then the man bends down and kisses his hand. Slowly, one by one, the other train riders start coming over, bending down and kissing the hand of the old man. He reluctantly acquiesces but barely acknowledges them while he looks back out the window back in the direction he came from. The train whistle blows and the train starts to move. Cue the opening credits and start Rachmaninov’s 2nd concerto.

* Later in the series, as Tolstoy is getting older, he eventually starts making his own clothes and his own shoes. But not only for himself but also for his family, friends, and any guests that come and visit him on his property. He makes everyone wear them. But the truth is they’re incredibly uncomfortable but no one has the courage to tell. So, every time there is a shot of people walking anywhere on the property, they’re all limping in pain from having to wear his terrible shoes :).

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