Simone Biles twisties are cured?!
When Lilly and I decided to start this newsletter, I was eager to jump in. Everything about it made sense: I had been wanting to write more often, and we have been editing each other’s personal work for years. Our friendship is and has always been a special kind of creative refuge, in that we wholly trust each other’s literary judgment and collaborate easily. It has been so rewarding working on This Is Why!, despite the fact that I’ve had the kind of year that has made me much more hesitant to put myself out there. I find myself in totally normal conversations, suddenly overcome with suspicion that I am being awkward, a feeling that I thought I left behind in middle school. I can’t figure out what nail color I want. I order the wrong dish. I stare at my email and my text inboxes, wondering why I cannot will them to zero the way I always could.
I saw a video once about “time space synesthesia,” which feels dramatic to me, but in short, if you ask a group of people to draw a timeline of a year, you’ll get very varied images. I see time in a skinny loop. September is furthest left, January is just right of center, and we go back around through a short spring and a long stretch of summer. 2023 was the longest, fastest loop I’ve ever done, after struggling with health issues that took up a majority of my year. At dinner a few weeks ago, the girls and I were talking about Simone Biles’ idiotic husband, and we recalled her time with the twisties, a mental block in which a gymnast can lose their typical spatial awareness. Their minds and their bodies step out of sync with one another, making for messy, potentially dangerous landings. In the Washington Post, Emily Giambalvo smoothly describes the dilemma: “After experiencing the twisties once, it’s very difficult to forget. Instinct gets replaced by thought. Thought quickly leads to worry. Worry is difficult to escape.” Even the smallest pause can be a threat to the future self.
Many years ago, my boyfriend’s father told me that he liked that I think before I speak. I remember being genuinely puzzled by that statement. How could you speak without thinking? I wasn’t old enough yet to really understand that most of us are impulse driven, that critical thought can be a secondary thing for a lot of people. Now, I am old enough to feel that critical thought can be my enemy. I wish I could pick which parts of my brain would smooth out, go autopilot for a bit.
Writing is the most instinctive action I know how to take, where I can be confident that stopping to think is a transient, productive condition, more blessing than curse. But during the past year, even acting on instinct sometimes felt frightening — and I think without this newsletter as a guardrail in 2023, I may have taken too long a pause from it. Now, 26 issues later, I can say: I haven’t struggled to press send on any of these dispatches. I never doubted that I am a good writer.
At a time when I feared that I lost some part of who I was, I am grateful to have stuck with something, for myself, in front of a very sweet audience that is just ours. It’s felt good to hold myself accountable, even when I was afraid I’d get lost in the air.— MF
What we’ve read and DMed each other about lately — our internet bounty is below!
“Taylor Swift’s hollow empowerment narrative” by Hannah Williams - The New Statesman — Somehow, we live in a world where it can be legitimately dangerous to critique celebrities — so I have to commend Williams for this piece where she reflects on Swift, her year-long PR frenzy, the Eras Tour, and her TIME Person of The Year cover story. Worth the read, even if you are a Swiftie. — LM
“Land Ho” by Gaby del Valle - The Baffler — In this (long, but wonderful) essay, del Valle seeks to answer the question: Why do we love to watch women painstakingly make sourdoughs, cheese from scratch, homemade butter, and more on “homesteading” social media accounts? Focusing on the popular influencer Ballerina Farm (aka the wife of the Jet Blue Airlines heir), she uncovers the unsavory underbelly of tradwife TikTok while also breaking down why it is we find these pages so aspirational. — LM
“Welcome to Feral Week” by Luke Winkie - Slate — How did you spend your Christmas to New Year dead week? Luke Winkie’s missive on the most wonderful time of the year was a fantastic celebration of all the time we all spent rotting in bed last week and eating burritos. Miss it already! — MF
“‘Somebody Has to Live Life Like It Matters.’ Frieda Hughes on Love, Loss, and Magpies” by Keziah Weir - Vanity Fair — I had never read or known much about Frieda Hughes, Sylvia Plath’s daughter, prior to reading this Q&A — but now, I can’t wait to pick up her book, George: A Magpie Memoir. The way she talks about love and loss (especially in the public eye) in this interview through the lens of her relationship with a magpie she adopted is poignant and beautiful — and worth the read, even if you have no interest in the book. — LM
Why Not? is our biweekly list of recommendations. Think recipes, gift guides, podcasts, clothes, and anything we consider to be generally chic. Have a suggestion? Let us know!
Pocket — My husband has been telling me about the Pocket app for forever, and I’m finally on the bandwagon. My old filing system for articles — DMing them to myself on Twitter — was not a good one, so articles I really wanted to read were always falling through the cracks. Pocket is a free app that lets you save and store articles in one convenient place, and I’ve already read more than usual since I downloaded it. — LM
I Heart Mess <3 — This newsletter that critiques celebrity fashion and gossip is like all the best parts of Daily Mail and those other strange Snapchat new outlets rolled into one. Outrageous and laugh out loud funny while still having an expert eye for style,
is the voice of a generation. Every time it hits my inbox, I run to read. It’s the perfect weekly pick me up. — MFPeppermint Brownie Cookies - NYT Cooking — I have a habit of baking sweet desserts that I never end up craving, and then giving them all away before I eat any. Well, I made these cookies the week before Christmas and I could not stop eating them. They were soft and easy and delicious, and have a lot of staying power even if your “peppermint season” ends post December 25th. — LM
Neapolitan Meatballs with Ragù - Christopher Kimball’s Milk Street — This is one of my holy grail recipes. I’ve been making these meatballs for years and every single time, I wish I had more. I never tire of them, so I’ve decided to stop gatekeeping them. Enjoy! — LM
Boy Bait Lipglass - MAC — When Kylie Jenner was in her King Kylie era (RIP) and had the face that launched a million purchases of Whirl lipliner and Velvet Teddy lipstick, I became a MAC lipstick head. However, I never ventured into their lipglosses, since matte was all the rage in 2015. Like everyone else, I forgot all about MAC — until recently I rediscovered them, and I’ve been pleasantly surprised by their lipglass formula! This shade is one I’ve been looking for forever: very nude and pretty without leaning ashy. Sometimes you gotta go back to basics! — MF
If you liked this issue, start a newsletter with your best friend! Tell us your thoughts in the comments or on Instagram (@lilly_milman | @melindafakuade) or at our one-year anniversary party!
ncG1vNJzZmiZnpnBqbXSoqqwoKljwLau0q2YnKNemLyue89oqqKln6Oybq7IpZysZaSstrTAyJ6qZpmimnqkwdGemw%3D%3D