Social Lives | Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss
GASLIGHT, GATEKEEP, GIRLBOSS
I hate the term ‘girlboss’. It feels patronising and overly simplistic. In my career, a few people have described me as a ‘girlboss’ and every time it felt like something sticky I needed to brush off before it left a stain. There’s a perception that a girlboss is something noble, a woman who has overcome the odds so she can finally tell people what to do. However, whenever I hear it, I think of the meme where Eric Andre asks Mel B if Margaret Thatcher had ‘girl power’ and, when she replies in the affirmative, responds with “do you think she effectively utilised girl power by funneling money into illegal paramilitary death squads in Northern Ireland?”
I think I’m so averse to the term because some of the worst bosses I’ve ever had have been women. We’re approaching the fifteenth anniversary of the time I walked out of my job as editor of “Concrete and Car Parks Quarterly” (it was a real publication, I swear - we were featured on Have I Got News for You and everything) and three other similarly glamorous titles after my boss threw a stapler at my head and screamed across the office that talking to me was like talking to “a fucking brick wall”. In another job, I was expected to be an editorial assistant as well as the boss’ unofficial PA, which required running around Manchester picking up her dry cleaning and Agent Provocateur orders before trying to sub-edit an entire magazine. I’ve had female bosses who picked favourites and invited them all to her birthday party - which happened to be in the company rooftop bar - while icing out the rest of her team (leading to a very awkward team meeting the next day). Recently, a female MD assured me that she ‘wasn’t a bad person’ before announcing that the three-month contract I’d been relying on to see me through to the end of the year was actually finishing that week. I could go on, but you get the picture.
Being a woman does not automatically make you a better boss. Think of all the stories we’ve read about female entrepreneurs who are initially lauded before it becomes apparent that their business model is a house of cards. Scam Goddess Elizabeth Holmes immediately comes to mind, but there’s been a litany of them over the past few years. There’s Sophia Amoruso, former CEO of Nasty Gal and self-appointed Queen of the Girl Bosses who had to step down from her role in 2015 after allegations of a toxic work culture came to light. Steph Korey, formerly of Away luggage, who quit after a scathing exposé of terrible work practices by The Verge in 2019. I look at these women with a shudder of fear, because I know that if I was ever propelled into a similarly powerful position, I’d probably crumble into dust.
There have been a few times in my career where I’ve been asked to lead teams and act in a leadership position. I’m not entirely resistant to it; I’m just not sure I’m very good at it. Despite working for a number of bad managers in my career, I worry that I would show the worst sides of myself to people who were reliant on me for guidance. For example, delegation is not one of my strengths (although I like to think I’m getting better at it). I never feel like I ask the right questions or deliver the right kind of support. I can be snappy and moody when I’m tired. If I’m in flow on a project, I take longer than I should to reply to things because I don’t want my energy to be misdirected.
Plus, people can be unreliable. They don’t follow briefs. They miss deadlines. I know I’m much happier when I’m just left to get on with things and do the job alone. Then, if it all goes wrong, there’s only myself to blame.
Some of my worst managers have been women, but some of my best have too. I’m still very good friends with the women who managed me in my first agency job, even though I was - at times - a total nightmare. Others have put me forward for freelance work, or even just slid into my DMs to offer me advice and support when I’m going through a tough time. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what gender your boss is. You just need to make sure that they’re a decent human being.
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