PicoBlog

Tana Mongeau is the type of Youtuber that terrifies me the most about Youtubers in Los Angeles. She lives in the sleekest, whitest house in Studio City that has 17 cloud couches. She subsists on hot cheetos, oat milk matcha and puff bars.

Tana is the head clown of the damn big top circus. She is part of a posse of Youtubers whose schtick is an almost Caveh Zahedi-an level of self-reference: every video just “exposes” the events of the previous video, feeding itself through its own demise. But it’s also totally vibes.

It’s a fine line to walk, of managing your Youtube “beef” without veering into total oblivion. Many have self-destructed in a dazzling display of mental breakdown: Shane Dawson, Jeffree Starr, Gabbie Hanna. The list goes on. I’m embarrassed to know these names. The final video on each of their sickly channels share the same epitaph: “Taking accountability,” or simply, “I’m sorry.” It’s funny when the actual meat of their drama gets as them, like, throwing Boom Chicka Pop at a videographer.

Tana Mongeau, however, has not yet reached the outer limits of YouTube psychosis. And she maybe never will. I think this is because having “beef” is her primary function on YouTube. She’s a totally bad bitch! She smokes weed and is bi. She grew up in Las Vegas, which is so totally haunted, and definitely cut her toxic mother off immediately after getting famous. There’s a palace intrigue to the viewer, even when you find out they’re just fucking a 19 year old named Bryce in the palace.

Underneath this beef economy is an infrastructure of careful planning and image-creation. Tana is managed by David Weintraub — also a co-owner in Dizzy — who parses through her various business opportunities. Weintraub, who used to manage Paris Hilton, looks like the villain in every A24 movie. He is a self-described successful producer, although his biggest credit is a one-season A&E reality show called Sons of Hollywood starring Randy Spelling (son or Aaron) and Sean Stewart (son of Patrick). Not even I would touch that show.

But Tana’s fame is legit. Weintraub says Tana takes in jaw-dropping figures: “Here's another a hundred grand to post a picture. Here's another 50 grand to put a story up.” Other sources say she has earned $3 million in a month. Weintraub says an OnlyFans mud wrestling tournament is on the table.

But for now, they are sticking to alcohol. Dizzy was founded in January of 2022, and began with a white wine. Then in November of 2022, Dizzy dropped a red wine.

As the website notes, Dizzy is made for “20-somethings that want to drink wine on their terms and in their own way.” As a 20-something myself, I am ALWAYS saying we need a wine we can drink on our own terms and in our own way. But what I mean by that is I want a wine I can stick up my pee hole.

Tana, though, means a wine you can easily abuse. It’s the cousin of a canned cocktail: sweet, chuggable, high in alcohol.

It is clear Tana really knows nothing about her own wine. As she said in a vlog after her wine launch party, “Working on dizzy wine for the past month has been the most incredible, exciting experience of my life.” Sooooooo true.

Tim Dillon went on Tana’s podcast Cancelled last January and grilled her on the product: “Is it jug wine? Do you know what’s in it?”

“It’s a sparkling white wine, like a Pinot Grigio vibe,” she responded.

In an interview with Us Weekly, Weintraub tried to reframe their involvement: “We tasted a lot of great grapes and looked at many different options when dialing in the taste for Dizzy. We finally found a great relationship with Eliqs who hit it out of the park with our new company.”

So I looked into Eliqs. Apparently, it’s a website where you can create custom cans (what Tana also calls a boob job) for events. Back in my day we were just putting our names onto grains of sand!

Another aspect of Eliqs’ business model is as a nose-to-tail beverage brand incubator. They package and distribute just a few labels, including So Gay Rosé, Bare by Daisy Marquez (a Youtube MUA with 1.9 million subscribers) and Housewives Watching Wine by Zack Peter (a methy bleach-blond twink with a Housewives recap podcast).

And then there is Dizzy. Eliqs essentially handles their entire brand. For example, the white wine you can buy on the Eliqs website has “hints of Pear, lychee, white peach, lemon, white floral perfume.” And when you go to the Dizzy website, her wine is described as having notes of “pear, lychee, white peach, lemon, white floral perfume.”

I could throw a bark mitzvah in Denver and carry the same wine as Tana’s. Will we see an “I’m Sorry” video? Doubtful.

That’s called: a scoop. Do She Said on me next.

It’s clear, obviously that the taste of Dizzy is not the point. It’s about vibes! So, for R&D purposes, I shotgunned the 6 oz can of both the red and white wine.

The reviews online warned me of what was to come. A viral TikTokker's taste test of the drink foretold my experience.

The white wine was the easier of the two to chug. It was a bit fizzy, and had the acidity and fruitiness (read: sweetness) of a canned cocktail. I got it. The red wine, however, was torturous. I have learned from being 17 once that red wine should not be chugged. The oakiness of the juice — I cannot find what grape it’s made from — with hints of pepper, cinnamon and stewed cherry was like chugging chilled vomit.

Perhaps there is something unique about wine that prevents it from being a canned cocktail alternative. But a line of organic tequila-soaked tampons? Now that’s what us 20-somethings could use.

ncG1vNJzZmiblaGyo77IrbCso5mjsLC605qarWajqq%2B0wMCcomebn6J8sXvTmqWaZZ2ku6ixwK6qZpyZr8e6edaipZ4%3D