PicoBlog

Wow, I can’t believe it’s been over a month since I sent out a newsletter? Is this true? It seems to be true. I know you’ve all been waiting with absolute bated breath to hear about what’s been on my mind, and I am pleased to report that you can now exhale. 

As you all know, we’re now over a month into—say it with me—HOT! VAX! SUMMER!, a term that means precisely nothing and also makes me want to claw my eyes out. Broken down into its component parts, though, I suppose none of the things this phrase promised us is false. It has been very hot out. Most of us are double vaxxed. It is, indeed, summer, if the calendar is to be believed.

These are the very circumstances we were all absolutely horny to imagine ourselves in just a handful of months ago, and yet… and yet. The vibes are… hmm, well the vibes are not great, are they?

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. The other day, in an absolute cry for help (because what else is social media for?) I posted an Instagram story asking for tips on how to get myself out of a bad mood. The majority of the responses I received were not tips at all, but rather messages from similarly unhappy people asking me to throw any good ideas I might come across their way (but shoutout to the three people who offered a meek, “exercise?”).

It seems, at least anecdotally, that many of us are this guy right now:

If you don’t know who “this guy” is, please allow me to introduce you to Carmine Laguzio, a character from Tim Robinson’s Netflix sketch show I Think You Should Leave. If you haven’t watched this show yet, please find the time to do so. Truly, it’s one of the only good things that currently exists. This is an objective fact that is not up for negotiation.

Anyway, the third sketch in a perfect opening episode of the show’s second season stars Tim Robinson as the aforementioned Laguzio, the host of a fictional prank show called Everything is Upside Down. As the sketch opens, he’s being put into a disguise that is both ridiculous and nightmare-inducing while excitedly explaining that he’s about to “mess with people’s days” at the Fairfield Mall food court while in character as Carl Havoc. 

Once he enters the food court, though, Carmine freezes, seemingly unable to go through with it. As a PA named Craig urges him through his earpiece to go take someone’s tray, he begins to unravel. Within seconds, he’s having a full-on meltdown, yelling, “There’s too much fuckin’ shit on me, I can’t breathe!”

After threatening to “rip the fuckin’ head off” of his disguise, then attempting to bargain by threatening to only rip the chin off (“It kills!”), then completely backtracking on ever saying the prank was a funny idea in the first place (“I said it was interesting”), Carmine grows forlorn, visibly deflating while delivering the sketch’s piece de resistance: “I don’t even wanna be around anymore.”

The sketch is, I cannot stress this enough, the second-funniest thing I have ever seen in my nearly thirty-three years on this earth (the first is Coffin Flop, the sketch that comes right before it). But it’s also strangely relatable. 

I feel a sort of kinship with Carmine Laguzio. Enthusiastic as I was to run my mouth for several months about how much fun I was going to have this summer, I now find myself in the midst of it, wanting very strongly at times to opt out. In other words, I often feel like there’s too much fuckin’ shit on me, the “fuckin’ shit” being the absolute mountain of Carl Havoc-shaped expectations I placed upon myself to have a good—nay, great—time this summer.

If Craig the PA guy is my deeply-embedded sense of fomo urging me to go out and do stuff, then I am Carmine, pushing back on the very plans I actively made for myself. More often than not, this feeling of wanting to rip my skin off rather than go through with my day is probably not dissimilar to what Carmine feels when he says, “We did WAY too much.” 

I can’t believe I’m saying this about a scene from the world’s most absurd sketch show, but watching it 20-plus times has made me rethink my approach to re-entering the world. It’s only the weekends where I’m way too determined to see everyone and do everything that I find myself in Laguzio territory. 

I’m learning that it takes very little to feel overwhelmed in these precarious times in which we are all lurching towards some sort of “after” state. My capacity for fun and novel situations is maybe half of what it was before the pandemic began, and I’ve had to accept that if I fuck up the balance even slightly, I’ll find myself walking to my second social plan of the day, internally yelling, “I can’t breathe!!!!!” to myself as I adjust my mask to check in at a patio. 

It’s been important for me to remind myself that I don’t have to say yes to every plan, that I don’t have to fill every single moment of free time that I have. I’m grateful that I’ve surrounded myself with people who, much like Craig the PA, will say, “Let’s scrap it,” when I’m clearly spiralling and need to abandon plans on a moment’s notice. 

Adjusting to our new reality will take time. It’s not something I can force, no matter how badly I want to go nuts in my Fun Guy disguise. All I can do is pay attention to how I’m feeling moment to moment and try to advocate for myself before I get to a point where I’m lowkey threatening to end my life in a mall food court. 

After all, I don’t have to be out in the world to have fun. I can always just sit down, settle in, and watch I Think You Should Leave for the millionth goddamn time.

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