PicoBlog

Of the 259 players selected in the 2021 NFL Draft, 34 of them played their high school football in Texas.

That’s 11 more than any other state.

In small town Texas, high school football is a religion, right alongside things like bumper stickers about the Second Amendment, the constant threat of succession, and cows.

While my relationship with much of the Lone Star State is tenuous, my relationship with the television program “Friday Night Lights” is not. Premiering in 2006, I made the very brave choice to revolve my entire personality around it for a period of time that many people said was “too long.”

Depicting the town of Dillon, Texas and the high school football played within its limits, the show taught me lessons about family, heartbreak, and the fact that you can recover from a second season storyline in which a beloved main character murders somebody and fails to meet any repercussions.

In reminiscing about my friends in Dillon (to be clear, every cast member on “Friday Night Lights” is my friend), I got to thinking about which of the characters might have had a shot at playing in the NFL, and thus, a lifetime of debilitating CTE.

There’s only one way to find out: an incredibly unscientific and wildly speculative research project by yours truly.

Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose, etc.

Tim Riggins (FB/5’11”/170 lbs.)

First up, it’s Tim Riggins, a fictional character I would die for.

Tim had perhaps the most raw, natural talent of anybody in Dillon. But he was so dead-set on screwing everything up that he never quite lived up to expectations. Something I absolutely cannot relate to.

The last we saw Tim, he was fresh out of prison for operating a chop shop with his brother, of course. Prior to that, he briefly attended the fictional San Antonio State University before dropping out. I only know it’s fictional because, once I heard Tim Riggins was attending, I did attempt transferring there myself.

Sadly, Tim answered the question about his NFL viability for us. I just hope he’s happy.

NFL Draft Prospects: None :(

Where Are They Now?: Operating a truck-themed fried chicken joint with his brother called “Riggins’ Chickens”

Brian “Smash” Williams (RB/5’11”/165 lbs.)

The arc of Smash Williams provides one of the clearest insights into a future in the NFL. After a brush with the law and steroid abuse in Season 1, his college stock comes into focus in Season 2, when he receives offers from the very real University of Alabama and the very fake TMU, Miami State and Whitmore University.

Ultimately, he commits to WHITMORE UNIVERSITY despite receiving an offer from THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA.

I mean, I’d like to see Nick Saban in a chokehold as much as the next guy, but make it make sense.

Anyway, after suffering a knee injury, illustrious Whitmore rescinds their scholarship. I imagine having a guy who got offered by Alabama playing with three appendages instead of four would still make for the best player in Whitmore history, but I digress.

Down in the dumps, Smash decides to stay in Dillon and work at the Alamo Freeze while honing his football skills with Coach Taylor. Miraculously, it works and he’s able to walk on at Texas A&M where, in a later season, he is seen playing on TV.

Texas A&M has only had one running back drafted in the past eight years: Trayveon Williams in 2019. Both from Texas. Same position. Same school. SAME LAST NAME. Despite an underwhelming NFL career thus far, it’s an apt comparison for Smash.

If he managed to stave off his former demons, I think he would have been able to ride a redemption arc all the way to the NFL.

NFL Draft Prospects: 8th-round pick

Where Are They Now?: Alamo Freeze spokesperson and franchisee with multiple locations across the greater Dallas area

Vince Howard (QB/6’0”/140 lbs.)

First of all, let’s just look at baby Michael B. Jordan.

Before he was Killmonger in “Black Panther” and ruined a pair of my underwear with his workout montage in “Creed 2,” MBJ was the green and complicated Vince Howard.

We met Vince as a sophomore who had never played football, which is not a good sign, but he quickly got taken under Coach Taylor’s wing, which is. He started as a running back, but transitioned to quarterback and, by the end of his junior year, received offers from (the already established as fictional) TMU and the (establishing as fictional now) Oklahoma Tech.

By the end of his junior season, he was leading East Dillon to a state championship and almost assuredly raking in offers from the likes of the Alabama School of Home Economics, Texas A&LMNOP and Clemson.

In a world of quarterback academies, it’s hard to put much draft stock in a guy who started playing the position so late. Despite a furious finish to his high school career, the best case scenario here, I think, is that Vince reinvents himself as a wide receiver in college.

NFL Draft Prospects: Undrafted, but plays four years in the CFL and becomes the face of Tim Horton’s.

Where Are They Now?: Cast member on season 1 of “Love Island: Canada.”

Luke Cafferty (RB/5’11”/165 lbs.)

The good ol’ boy of Dillon, Luke was obsessed with using football as a means to get out of town and away from his weird ass parents. When he was invited on a recruiting trip to TMU, it seemed like the bright lights were in reach! The city was calling! A terribly-edited recruitment hype video was in sight!

Alas, inviting Luke was all a ploy to get to his teammate Vince, and his dreams of college football and a better haircut were dashed.

With his senior season winding down, Luke only received offers from Division III schools, which is one of the most embarrassing things that can happen to an 18-year-old boy in Texas. So, he does what anybody in his shoes would do: joins the military and gets as far away from his failed adolescence as possible.

Unless Luke decided to de-enlist and somehow find his way back to football (a.k.a. “the reverse Tillman”), the writing was on the wall.

NFL Draft Prospects: None

Where Are They Now?: Dead

J.D. McCoy (QB/6’2”/160 lbs.)

It’s time to reckon with an uncomfortable truth.

J.D. McCoy, the little prick from a family so detestable that I still see them in my nightmares, had this entire thing figured out. Rather, his dad did. But when it comes to this sort of thing, sometimes privilege and accessibility are just as important as talent.

When J.D. waltzed into our lives as a freshman in Season 3, he came complete with a private coach and was generally regarded as a gift from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He was the quintessential rich kid with an overbearing father who represents everything that’s wrong with modern-day youth sports and society-at-large, can I get an Amen.

The problem is that he was also very good.

J.D. changes the entire Panthers offensive philosophy, he’s named Texas High School Quarterback of the Year and he took pleasure in ruining the life of America’s Boyfriend Matt Saracen, something that I think should be punishable by life in prison.

The McCoy saga fails to have any real resolution, though, because after a crushing loss to East Dillon in Season 4, we never hear from J.D. again. It’s implied that he transferred to another school and took them to the state championship in his senior season.

It doesn’t give me any pleasure in saying this, but J.D. McCoy was the best NFL prospect that ever walked through Dillon.

NFL Draft Prospects: 1st-round pick

Where Are They Now?: About to begin the sixth season of a successful NFL career while attempting to silence multiple sexual abuse allegations

Jason Street (QB/6’0”/170 lbs.)

Here’s the asterisk.

Jason Street.

QB1.

The man (boy?) whose unfortunate paralysis was responsible for one of the most iconic speeches in television history.

If Jason Street had not been paralyzed, he would have eventually been the #1 pick the NFL Draft. There, I said it! Sorry, haters!!!!!!! Sorry, Lyla!!!!!!!!!!

Would he have been a John Elway or a Ryan Leaf? There’s no way to know.

But if I know Jason Street like I think I know Jason Street (my friend, please remember!), call him the president of football operations for the Denver Broncos and the owner of four steakhouses in the state of Colorado because he would have been John Elway.

NFL Draft Prospects: Barring some unforeseen medical advances? None.

Where Are They Now?: A seventeen-time Paralympic gold medalist.

Now, this list doesn’t take into account people like the aforementioned Matt Saracen (currently on display at The Art Institute of Chicago) or Landry Clarke (currently on tour with Crucifictorious and still avoiding those murder charges), whose dreams took them away from the football field.

Because no matter what - drafted or undrafted, Alamo Freeze franchisee or not - they’ll always have the sage words of Tami Taylor to lean on.

Texas forever, etc.

ncG1vNJzZmickaO2prjTq5iipp%2Bne7TBwayrmpubY7CwuY6pZq2glWKxs63FrWSpqp%2Bovaav06xkn6eiYsGpsYycmKys