The Golden Bachelor Episode 2 Recap
Welcome back to the Golden Bachelor! It’s Jen writing the recap this week, and Karyn will be responding. You’ll know it’s her because those responses will be broken out with a red border.
Hello, it’s Karyn! Just a reminder that our 20% sale ends today!
This is a long recap, yet very little happened. Even the ABC producers were a bit bored, so they got sloppy about putting up chyrons of the ladies’ names, which is pretty frustrating when you’re trying to recap. Also, they all have older lady names, and at one point, I thought Leslie was named Jeanne and also Joan. Forgive me if I fuck it up. Also, we are intentionally fucking up Gerry’s name, because it’s pronounced GARY. So GARY it is.
We open on the ladies arriving at the mansion. They are all super stoked to be here. I am a little concerned that their casualwear appears to have come directly out of my closet. Kathy is wearing a white denim jacket and a gingham dress tank dress that makes my heart accelerate. Oh, gingham, I am powerless against your monochromatic checks. I would select this exact outfit. How is Chico's not sponsoring the show?
I'm getting creepy vibes from the inside of the Bachelor Mansion. It’s like when you go to a fancy hotel that’s supposed to be nice but it’s a little run down and smells like stale smoke.
The ladies pour into the house and the first to speak is Karyn's girl Natascha. Can we go back and address the fact that Natascha is an aging coach? What does that mean? How do you get paid for that? And if your clients are the elderly, don't they all forget their appointments? Years ago, my friend Carol worked at a head injury clinic and people had to write everything in their books because they had memory trouble. Guess what they always forgot to bring to their appointments?
I think what's significant to note first is, no matter what age you are, you are who you are. That doesn’t change with age. There is literally no difference between these women storming the house and their younger counterparts. Zero difference.
The ladies are all way too excited about the concept of sharing rooms at first. I imagine the reality has yet to sink in. Theresa is psyched. Now, I didn't give Theresa a fair shake at the beginning of last week. If you recall, she is the one who shared a cupcake and a tongue with Gary. I rewatched this episode with Fletch and I realized I sort of like her. She had a really, really complicated job on Wall Street working with securities. I respect that because she came from an age when women didn’t really work in securities. So if Theresa wants to have a little bit of crazy about the eyes, or she wants to eat Gary's face, I'm gonna let that fly.
Also, I don't know why these senior gals are excited about bunkbeds. New hips ain’t cheap. No, wait, now Theresa is now bitching about the bunkbeds. She was excited when she walked in the room, and then she realized she was going to be on a bunk and now she's mad. I'm telling you, I am starting to feel her.
I’d pick bottom bunk so I could curl up in the corner and hide from everyone.
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