The Moment I Realized I was No Longer a Nuke
I like to play the New York Times Wordle and Mini Crossword. Usually, for a few minutes a night before bed, I play them both and send my scores to a few friends. In general, these games are a fun but largely inconsequential part of my day.
I would never have guessed that the NYT Wordle and Mini Crossword could have sparked such a large epiphany: on February 13th, 2024 around 2149 PST, after playing two daily NYT games, my life changed forever - I realized I was no longer a nuke.
I have not been stationed on a submarine for nearly three years now. I stood my last EOOW in April of 2021 (exactly three hours and not a second longer). My last EDO was May of 2021 and that’s only because I singled some NUB. The last time I was on the EDO watchbill was before we left for deployment in September 2020.
That being said, it may seem strange to you that it took me nearly three years away from a submarine to come to terms with my lapse in nuclear proficiency.
In my opinion, the Wordle gets boring if you start with CREAM, SLATE, AUDIO, and other optimal words. I like to mix it up and start with less optimal words, even if it means it takes me a few more turns. My dog was looking extra puppy-like on 13FEB24 so I opened with PUPPY. Zero letters. Not a surprise in hindsight. I then played FIGHT. Those five letters are in the middle of the keyboard. With four of them touching each other it seemed like a reasonable play. Zero letters. Okay, no more messing around, I need a word with some high percentage Wordle letters. I swallow my pride and play SCARE. Luckily for me, SCARE resulted in four correct letters, with S and C in the correct spot.
Now all I need is a five letter word that starts with SC and includes A and R. I agonized for minutes. In the entire history of the universe has any human ever said a five word that starts with SC and included an A and an R?!?! I asked myself. Doesn’t seem likely. I concluded.
As the seconds turned to minutes, my patience started to wane. The only word I fathom was SCRAN. SCRAN didn’t seem like a likely choice to me, but it was better than staying up past 2200 thinking about the Wordle. I played SCRAN and discovered I was only one letter away now, having correctly guessed SCRA.
Okay, a five letter word that starts with SCRA and ends with either Q,W,O,D,J,K,L,Z,X,V,B, or M. I suppose it could also end with S,C,R,A too.
I tossed and turned trying to determine the final letter. SCRAQ - no. SCRAW - maybe. SCRAO - no. Somehow, I decided SCRAB would be the best choice. Obviously it was incorrect.
I had one guess remaining. Think [REDACTED]! Think! After what felt like ages, a smile crept across my face when I finally realized the answer.
SCRAM!
I cannot believe I played SCRAN and SCRAB before SCRAM.
SCRAM. I spent hours memorizing words I didn’t understand about you at NNPTC. Even more hours practicing my response for you at NPTU. You are the first [REDACTED], the [REDACTED] before all other [REDACTED]. How could I forget about you?
I giggled thinking of some NUB saying, “CONN, Maneuvering, reactor SCRAB!”
Anyway, on to the NYT Mini Crossword.
While I don’t care about my score on the Wordle, I absolutely care about my score on the Mini Crossword. I let my fiancee know when I am starting the Mini Crossword to avoid any distractions.
That night, I breezed through nearly all of the clues of the Valentine’s Day themed Mini Crossword.
Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when publishedSymbol of Valentine’s Day - heart When a right turn might be prohibited - onred Spanish bulls - torros Negative R.S.V.Ps - nos Noble gas below krypton on the periodic table - fuck I should’ve paid more attention in chemistry Black-and-white cookies - oreos Very attractive - hot Symbol that crosses through 3-Across on Valentine’s Day - arrow End zone scores: Abbr - tds
It took me about 46 seconds to fill out all but one letter on the crossword. I was missing the first letter of 1 Down “Noble gas below krypton on the periodic table”. Fortunately for me, I had the final four letters of the five letter word. ENON. ZENON must be the answer! Duh!
I proudly typed in ZENON, expecting to be proud of my sub one-minute score, but I was met with a horrifying message. “ALMOST THERE KEEP TRYING!” What do you mean “almost there”? All of these answers are surely correct.
It was over a minute before I realized ZENON was actually spelled XENON.
Embarrassed, I texted my friend my score and explained the situation to him.
“Bro I solved all but the first letter in 50 seconds. FML.”
“You’re telling me you couldn’t spell one of the main [REDACTED] in the [REDACTED] 🙁,” he replied.
If this isn’t a sign from ADM Rickover telling me my EOOW proficiency lapsed, I don’t know what is.
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