PicoBlog

I’ve been putting off a trip back to where I grew up for a while now - but not just going back to visit family. I’m sensing a need for a retrospective road trip to explore where I come from. In my mind, I see this trip as a windows down, music cranked up drive down memory lane…

And I'm splitting the road down the middle
For a minute the world seems so simple
Feel the rush of my blood
I'm seventeen again
I am not scared of death
I've got dreams again
It's just me and the curve of the valley
There is meaning on earth, I am happy

But I know deep down that is just me romanticizing what this trip really is - or at least the biggest portion of what it needs to be. Call it a midlife crisis or even maturing into a more introspective human being (most likely a little bit of both) - but I feel a kind of reckoning needing to take place. My wife and I like to joke that we escaped this place a little over 20 years ago. There were definitely things that we were running from. We have gone back many times over the years, but these trips are always so full of splitting time between families and eating at our favorite restaurants, that we never really have time to sit in the discomfort that lies at the heart of our relationship to this place.

Past Alger Brook Road
I'm over the bridge
A minute from home but I feel so far from it
The death of my dog
The stretch of my skin
It's all washing over me
I'm angry again

The thing about a pilgrimage is that it is complicated. To move beyond, sometimes we have to go back. Back to things we never got an answer for. Back to things there aren’t any answers for. The emotions that can stir are more than enough motivation to cut the journey short, but the hope is that pressing on can bring the redemption that Jesus says is there if we want it.

Left at the graveyard
I’m driving past ghosts
Their arms are extended
My eyes start to close

The car’s in reverse
I’m gripping the wheel
I’m back between villages
And everything's still

I know it’s time for this trip. It’s time for me to embrace being a prodigal son while at the same time being the older brother. It’s time to acknowledge that some of the best parts of me come from a place that I left in the dust and tried not to look back on. It’s time to reconcile the truth that I am not bigger than my origins - in fact, I am a product of them.

Along the way, my prayer is that peace replaces regret and that fear gives way to surrender. And that seems like a pretty good snapshot of Lent - a time to reflect on Christ’s life, death, burial and resurrection. A time to consider his suffering and sacrifice. I’m grateful for a faith that embraces death because without it, resurrection doesn’t mean a damn thing. I serve a God whose very nature is to redeem - and that gives me hope. And everything’s still.

Links

Apple

Spotify

Lyrics

Air in my lungs
'Till the road begins
As the last of the bugs
Leave their homes again
And I'm splitting the road down the middle
For a minute the world seems so simple

Feel the rush of my blood
I'm seventeen again
I am not scared of death
I've got dreams again
It's just me and the curve of the valley
There is meaning on earth, I am happy

Oh
Oh

Past Alger Brook Road
I'm over the bridge
A minute from home but I feel so far from it

The death of my dog
The stretch of my skin
It's all washing over me
I'm angry again

The things that I lost here
The people I knew
They got me surrounded
For a mile or two

The cars in reverse
I'm gripping the wheel
I'm back between villages
And everything's still

Left at the graveyardI'm driving past ghosts
I’m driving past ghosts
Their arms are extended
My eyes start to close

The car’s in reverse
I’m gripping the wheel
I’m back between villages
And everything's still

ncG1vNJzZmiklaPBtLvNoKpnq6WXwLWtwqRlnKedZL1wwMeeZK%2Bhlax6o7HTsJyepl2rtq24wKCcrGWVrcGmusOemw%3D%3D