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A few years ago, my friend Rachel started a social media feed called Tiny Kindness. As she shared:

“I started it in my grief, on the approximate one-year anniversary of my brother's burial. I suddenly had a desperate need to consciously look for goodness and kindness in the world. So I put out a call on social media and asked friends to send short stories of small acts of kindness they've received that felt big to them. And they did.” 

I sent in one of the first tiny stories — about an act of kindness from my early teaching days. The memory still makes me teary.

I didn’t read every single of the Tiny Kindness posts over the years — there have been hundreds and hundreds of them — but in December 2021, I happened to click on Instagram and saw this.

Wait, what?

I am a “Ms. Kris.” I taught fifth grade in Summit, NJ years ago. What are the chances…?

I had no idea which student this was, much less what I had written on the note. Rachel passed along my contact info to this former student — who had no idea Rachel and I knew each other — and we reconnected. It was one of those moments of beautiful, graceful mystery. She was able to share her incredible story of strength with me. I was able to reaffirm the sincerity of that tiny note all those years ago and send her a copy of my “love letter” to all the children I’ve ever taught.

If you’ve been following me for long, you know I am fascinated by the research on awe. When I interviewed Dr. Dacher Keltner — the leading researcher on this emotion — he told me that most common source of awe is other people’s goodness. “It’s kindness and courage,” Keltner says. “We really have this capacity to be moved by other people.”

I thought of this research yesterday when Facebook showed me this picture from six years ago:

Here’s the story behind it: We had just moved across the country. My 3yo was struggling with the adjustment, and after a rough night, I opened my email to find Dan Zanes' newsletter. He was having a concert! That weekend! 30 minutes from our new house!

Dan Zanes wasn't just any children's artist -- he was my son's absolute FAVORITE.

A little teary, I clicked "reply" to Zanes' newsletter, expressing my thanks for this well-timed concert. He wrote back(!), inviting my kid to meet him after the show!

During the performance, he gave my son a shout-out by name, asking the audience to welcome him to Boston. As my 3yo said on the car ride home: "Bestest bestest singer.”

A couple of years ago, I shared several of Tiny Kindness stories with a group of seventh graders and invited them to write their own — to describe a moment when someone offered them a kindness that made a difference.

Now, I adore middle schoolers, but this is an age when they are pulling away from their parents and toward their peers. So I was surprised that the majority of their tiny kindnesses were about their moms or dads. Like these:

and

It was a great reminder that adolescents do notice and crave the kindness you offer them (even when they don’t reciprocate).

While the Tiny Kindness project is on hold (temporarily, I hope), I am grateful the archives remain up — as well as these words from the founder:

Tiny Kindnesses are the types of kindness that feel small to the person giving them, but not at all small to the person receiving them.

It’s kindness that takes place after infertility, miscarriages, births, illness, divorce, and death; on doorsteps, buses, subways, airplanes, and at grocery stores; between strangers, neighbors, friends, and family members. It is instance after instance of humans showing up for each other in beautiful ways. These kindnesses are happening everywhere, all of the time.

Here’s to noticing more kindness and sending out our own.

Best,

Deborah

Deborah Farmer Kris * www.parenthood365.com

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