We Forgot Shakespeare's Birthday and Now We Are Softening the Blow by Texting Him These Funny Belate
Yes, it’s true that we forgot Shakespeare’s Birthday yesterday (and strangely, also his death date), but we plan to make it right by texting him hilarious belated birthday memes throughout the day to overcompensate for our mistake.
Besides, “what is past is prologue.”
So we think he would appreciate the gesture but also applaud the humor in some of these memes. Did we actually create them all? No, we just screenshotted them from some shitty website, but still, it’s the thought that counts and besides, he would think some of them were clever.
We’ll have Shakespeare rolling on the floor laughing all throughout the day and now he won’t mind that we spent his entire birthday watching hockey and playing Hogwarts Legacy.
The one that says “I’m a little behind?” Not only is there a cute dog, but it’s also a pun, and Will would love that we think.
The one with Jean-Luc Picard? Patrick Stewart has been in hundreds of Shakespearean plays and the Bard would just find that one plain silly.
Success Kid? We revived that “dead meme” but it’s probably the first time Shakespeare saw it, so he thinks it’s freaking awesome.
And finally, who doesn’t love a little slow-sloth humor?
We might even send him one with Yoda that says “Birthday Belated Wish You I Must” or the one with an old lady that says “Better Late Than Pregnant.”
He’ll know we were really busy with life yesterday—”so weary with disasters, tugg’d with fortune”— and know we haven’t forgotten about him. He’s still our favorite sonneteer and playwright of the Elizabethan/Jacobean era. Who’s going to replace him in our hearts? Thomas Middleton? Yeah right, that loser.
We’ll have Shakespeare rolling on the floor laughing all throughout the day and now he won’t mind that we spent his entire birthday watching hockey and playing Hogwarts Legacy.
But just in case the Bard is all butt-hurt, we’ve got Amazon delivering him a chest full of tennis balls (he’ll get the reference to Henry V we hope) and wrote him a sonnet apologizing for forgetting his birthday (forgive the slant rhyme and imperfect syllables, but sonnets 20, 52, and 99 are just a few of Shakespeare’s sonnets that don’t fit his rules, so it’s fine, hater).
Here goes:
Forgive me, Bard, for I have sinned
In forgetting your most glorious day
When you were born, a gift to all man’s kin,
A man of words, a man of wit and play.
I know that you are greater than I
And that my words are but a paltry thing
But still I write this sonnet in apology
For all the times I have not kissed your ring.
Your plays are still performed today,
Your words are still heard, your stories still told
And yet, sigh, I still forget your birthday
And for that I am truly sorry, old soul.
So please, forgive me, Bard, I am a fool—
I will try my best to remember you.
…
So yeah, Happy Birthday, but maybe next time try not to have your birthday on the weekend.
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