PicoBlog

To the 5% of my straight male followers, if your girlfriend has recently asked you how often you think of the Roman Empire and you have no idea why, I regret to inform you that you’ve been memed. You probably already guessed though, that since they asked you while their camera was rolling, and you saw them post it to TikTok.

This TikTok Trend has been taking over my feed lately; women ask the men in their lives how frequently they think about the Roman Empire with men answering weekly if not daily; this, apparently, is news to most women.

It makes sense, the Roman Empire was extremely influential in Western society, but it is pretty funny to imagine the men in your life contemplating Augustus Caesar while cutting the grass or brushing their teeth—it’s kind of cute! My scepticism began when one guy suggested that “technically, all English speakers think of the Roman Empire daily because English is a Latin-based language” (spoiler: it’s not). So, are they lying or does Augustus’ Rome occupy that much of their mental real estate?

Ancient Rome was a notoriously patriarchal society where women weren’t full citizens—although Roman women of the higher class did achieve more than their Greek counterparts. Of course, all ancient history was written by men, about the conquests of other men—just like British documentarian Adam Curtis said in his 2021 Documentary Can’t Get You Out of My Head “History is a story that people in power tell us reality is”. So, maybe that’s one reason why a two-thousand-year-old empire still resonates today; men like learning about a time when an archetype of masculinity was presented with little critique.

I think those who claim to have daily thoughts of the Empire are only saying so to signal machismo to whoever asked. Rome has long been a symbol of masculinity; with its vast and sprawling Empire, endless warfare and soldiers with sculpted gladiatorial physiques, plus any level of “problematic behaviour” they espoused are excused due to the passing of time; their statutes of limitation have long since expired.

The thing is, Ancient Rome is a part of history that is so broad it technically could be anything to anyone, but in the masculine context, I can think of three genres of men who are most likely to be drawn to the Roman Empire.

First, we have the Classical History buffs. More detail-orientated in their knowledge, they make the correct distinction between the Roman Republic and Empire and own dusty, old hardbacks detailing the Punic Wars. Even though they definitely know more than the rest of us, they’re labelled nerds or weirdos, because of our own academic insecurity. They probably think of the Roman Empire every day, because they’re reading about it regularly, but they’re not exclusively men.

Next, there’s the generic “Roman Empire” fanatics, who are just imagining an amalgamation of stereotypical “Roman” motifs like philosophy, war and grandiose displays of masculinity and violence. Their interest piqued in 2000, by Ridley Scott’s movie Gladiator and they often get confused between Augustus Caesar and Alexander The Great. Although they can’t go into much detail, they’re pretty harmless—this is what I like to call The Himbofication of Ancient Rome and they probably think of it most when they get a pump on in the gym.

Then there are those you should be most wary of: those obsessed with the “decline of Western masculinity” and who use the Roman Empire as a symbol of unbridled male dominance. There are often some very fascist undertones to their interest; there was, of course, a reason why the Nazis loved the Romans so much. A quick way to see if someone has fallen down this rabbit hole is if their profile picture on Twitter (I refuse to call it X) is a chiselled, marble, male torso or bust, and they reference an online figure known as BAP in casual conversation. (Run!)

Of course, I’m brushing with very broad strokes here, there are lots of men who score very low on the least offensive of these scales. Honourable mention goes to the Dads of the world who have an encyclopaedic knowledge of WWII, Napoleon and scream at the TV during University Challenge.

Ancient Rome is important. To ignore the Romans is not just to turn a blind eye to the distant past. Rome still helps to define the way we understand our world and think ourselves, from high theory to low comedy. After 2,000 years, it continues to underpin Western culture and politics, what we write and how we see the world, and our place in it.

– Mary Beard, SPQR: A History of Ancient Rome, 2015

Ignoring women’s interest in the Classics is of course, sexist and ignorant. Beyond the subjects of war, masculinity, power and politics is a rich history in art, architecture, mythology and theatre—topics that, in general, women tend to report high interest in; in fact, “The Arts” is a field dominated by women in Irish Universities.

Plenty of women online have been voicing their opinions in the comments section, insisting that they also love Ancient Rome. One of the bestselling history books in recent years, about the rise of the Roman Empire, was written by a woman, SPQR, by Mary Beard. Although anecdotal, I studied Classics and the classroom never felt male-dominated. Frankly, neither did the subject matter; the history of Ancient Rome is unsurprisingly very nuanced and often as dramatic as a Bravo franchise.

Since we’re all so obsessed with categorising things by gender online, people are now questioning what the “female version of the Roman Empire is”, i.e, what is something that women think of often, that would surprise our male partners? And, while the terms “girl dinner” and “girl math” set off my fight or flight, the question is pretty funny

Two of the most common historical subjects suggested are the Salem Witch Trials and Ancient Egypt (specifically Cleopatra), and lots more women say they love Classical Mythology.

The Witch Trials is an obvious contender; we have the sanctioned persecution of a group of (mostly) women, based on little more than gossip, lies and a sprinkling of collective hysteria. This week I published an episode of my podcast dedicated to the Pendle and Salem Witch Trials, where I learned I ticked off almost every qualifying factor it took to be a considered witch back in the 17th Century.

Ironically, our interest in Cleopatra is also an interest in ancient Rome, due to her complicated and messy relationships with Julius Caesar and Mark Antony. In the name of equality, I’ll stereotype women here just as I did for men and put it down to women having an interest in interpersonal relationships—imagine the Real Housewives of Salem as they all plotted their next victim? Now that I would watch.

The funniest and most accurate suggestion is “The Female’s Roman Empire” being their ex-best-friend. Ouch.

I don’t know a single woman who doesn’t think about their ex-bestie regularly. Sure, you might take the high road in public and claim you don’t bother wasting time thinking of those you’re no longer friends with, but in reality, we all do.

When a romantic relationship ends, we surround ourselves with our best friends, and they hold our hand through the heartbreak; so when they’re not there for an equally, if not more, traumatic change in your life, it leaves a lot of unanswered questions. What’s she doing now? Does she miss me? Was I the problem? Were we ever really friends?

Your best-friendship probably lasted way longer than any relationship did, queue over a decade of memories now spoiled. Queue also, dissecting said breakup with another adjacent friend for the 40th time; somehow, it always feels like fresh material.

Without getting all “there are inherent differences between the sexes” on you (a red flag in casual conversation, but humour me), I think we’re all like the great philosophers of Greece and Rome, trying to make sense of this silly little human experience. Maybe men explore their role within masculinity by exploring the reality of things like violence, warfare and patriarchal structures through Rome—an external and objective approach.

Women tend go insular, and explore the human and female experience through a social lens. Historically, that could be the complicated interpersonal relationships of the Gods, the family dynamics of Ptolemaic Egypt and how to go unnoticed in a witch hunt.

The stereotype of women loving drama might have some truth to it, but that’s because women’s wars are fought in words—so just like boxers watch their opponents fight tapes, I think women like the conflict porn of reality TV for similar reasons. It helps us prepare for all outcomes: like running into our ex-best friend, ill-equipped for battle.

Since women weren’t the main topic in first hand historic text, there’s less stories of us being heroes. To speak very generally, women of ancient history didn’t possess anything that modern, western women would envy or romanticise, so thinking of that reality every day is just depressing. Maybe that's why we are are drawn to mythology, where the Goddesses had more authority and agency.

I can see the allure for modern men, reading about Kings leading armies, conquering countries and mediating high stakes political affairs—who wouldn’t want to read about such successes, especially if they could relate to those central to them? Its like the straight male equivalent of fairytales, especially since we live in a world where the average man isn't expected to be on the front lines of battle any day soon.

So whether its playing out a hypothetical, make believe confrontation between your ex-best friend or hyper-fixating on the rise and fall of one of the worlds greatest empires—I think a lot of it comes down to projection, and that deep down, we all want to be heroes in our own story.

Let me know in the comments, what’s your Roman Empire?

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