PicoBlog

Hi Everyone!

You are either reading this because you are my mom, you actually clicked the link on my instagram, or you are a TS;DW listener. No matter who you are, thank you for being here.

I’m writing this newsletter to you, my dear friends, because I’m looking for somewhere to share the thoughts and ideas and tiny *cures for depression* that are always floating around in my head.

Also, I have become absolutely stupid after having two children and need a way to flex my brain again.

I find myself in a stage of life right now that is equally as banal as it is shocking. I’m a stay-at-home mom. In the suburbs. With a priest for a husband. Please, can someone tell me, how the hell did that happen??

A bit of an overview. For my entire adult life I’ve worked for large corporations. First Random House, then Paramount Studios, and finally Netflix. I was pretty miserable in all of those jobs. One time a good friend looked me in the eye and said “maybe you just don’t like working.” This idea stopped me in my tracks. Me? Not like working?? I was one of those annoying students who thrived in school, my hand always in the air like a goddamn Tracy Flick. Plus I graduated college in 2012, the age of Obama, girl-boss, leaning-in. Don’t like working? What could that even mean? I can see now that she was right. I naively approached those jobs thinking they would instill in me a sense of direction, of meaning. They never did. And the classic cliche happened - I lost sight of who I am, what I want, what makes me happy. 

As life would have it, the universe chucked me quite unceremoniously out of corporate life. Last year around this time I was in the early stages of hyperemesis gravidarum and throwing up 10-15 times a day. I lost 15 pounds over the course of two weeks and would remain very ill for the first half of my pregnancy. When I told Netflix that I was both pregnant and extremely sick, my boss responded by telling me that I needed to move from New York to Los Angeles within six weeks and pay for it myself or voluntarily resign from the job with no severance. This was a very dark time in my life. Between trips to my beloved toilet, I hired a lawyer, Anne Clark, and set to work suing a giant corporation. Over the following months I learned more about pregnancy discrimination than I would like to know and I’ve now been job-free since June 2023. 

Simultaneously, my husband, Tim, graduated from Union Theological Seminary and was ordained an Episcopal priest. We had assumed we would stay in New York City and Tim would continue working in a parish like St. Ann’s in the South Bronx where he’d been helping out since 2021. When a job offer from Greenwich, CT — complete with housing and (very) part-time Preschool — came across our laps we were confused. Move out of New York? Into a fancy suburb? Where we don’t know anyone? Live on a church campus??? This was not at all what we had planned for. But after the previous six months we needed a fresh start, so Tim accepted the position. 

And, suddenly, here I am. In Greenwich, CT. 

Let me reiterate. What the fuck am I doing with my life?

So, I’m going to try to write this newsletter as regularly as possible. I’ve titled it “Endless Amounts” because that is the answer to the daily question I ask my children: “How much do I love you?”

Let’s have more endless amounts in our life, huh? Endless amounts of good chats, good food, nice thoughts, challenging ideas, deep breaths.

Thank you for being here.

Your friend,

Henley

Non-SSRI-Related

If you, like me, feel stuck, uninspired, and numb to the terrors of our lived reality then this is the column for you!! These are tidbits from life that have made me feel alive.

 "Young person worry: What if nothing I do matters? Old person worry: What if everything I do does?"

I spend a lot of time scrolling through clothing items and essentially no time actually buying/wearing nice clothes. Between the pandemic and having two babies, I basically haven’t worn hard pants since my 20s. I live in leggings and t-shirts covered with boogers, spit-up and applesauce. 90% of my “real” clothes don’t fit. My body has changed and my taste has changed and I need to incinerate all of my urban outfitters sweatpants.

So, this is a series where I aspire to discover and purchase the clothes that make me feel like me again.

Alright, so maybe this isn’t the most grown-up outfit that’s ever existed, but I said this series was about rediscovering what I like and maybe what I like is being a CAMP DAD. I was inspired by Lauren Pantin’s discussion of Beethoven Dad. Lauren describes her look as “Connecticut Dad in the 80’s” and my-god that speaks to me!! I think this look is probably cooler on her, a fashionable lady living in Los Angeles, rather than on me, a frumpier woman actually living in Connecticut. But I DON’T CARE. The following is what I want in life:

One of the things that keeps me sane is the weekly podcast I get to do with my two beautiful best friends, Sammy Smart and Emily Gonzalez. If you’re not familiar, it’s called Too Scary; Didn’t Watch and it’s a horror movie recap podcast for those too scared to watch for themselves.

I, like so many of our listeners, carry the burden of being equally compelled and repelled by horror movies. I absolutely can’t stand them! I absolutely cannot look away!

Here are a few upcoming films I’m super excited about:

Ok, that’s it for the first newsletter! Would love to hear your thoughts, but please be nice to me and also consider subscribing below (it’s free!!). See you guys soon.

xoxoxo,

Henley

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