Why Bluey's Mom is So Important
I find myself wanting to watch episodes of Bluey even when my son is not around, such is its pitch-perfect handling of everything from the minutiae of daily life to the bigger, stop-you-in-your-tracks stuff. Of course you hope that a good chunk of it will be absorbed by your three-year-old, though it’s not always easy to tell as he’s fishing Liga crumbs out from in between his legs. This is, ostensibly, a kids’ cartoon, but on closer inspection, it’s so much more than that. Even the word ‘cartoon’ doesn’t feel appropriate for anyone who’s watched and rewatched Bluey with a box of tissues to hand; it’s an animated masterpiece. If you’re not laughing at the jokes meant for parents (delivered with such deftness you might not pick up on them on first viewing), you’re holding back the tears as they navigate the trickier things, including their aunt’s fertility struggles (this in particular is so beautifully and delicately articulated) and their mother’s miscarriage. Above all that this show has to offer, though, it’s the mother character - Chilli - that’s the greatest gift to me, and I’m sure many others who find parenting harder than was promised on the packaging. So this week, I am writing about the ways in which Chilli speaks to all of us and why she is the most needed, most realistic mother you’re likely to find on screen (and in such vivid colour too).
From the outset, the show changes the game in that Chilli’s often out at work and Bandit, the Dad, is the one who spends the most time with the kids. Usually, it’s the father figures in these shows that drift in and out as satellite figures. Whether at work or going for a run, she is unapologetic about her time away from the kids. She doesn’t over explain anything, or try to bargain with anyone about stealing some minutes for herself; she’s a brilliant boundary holder. Her going out for a run is not a point of focus.
There’s also the fact that she’s vocal about needing that time alone, whether it’s a case of maintenance (such as liking solo walks) or being stretched too far and declaring that she’d like nobody to come near her for the next twenty minutes. She shows that even with all the patience and compassion in the world, she still runs out of steam and reaches her own point of overstimulation. It’s not only validating to those watching feeling the same, it normalises kids seeing mothers step away for a bit (if they’re paying attention, that is). She gives her all but she’s not a martyr. The martyrdom of motherhood is so overdone in most media portrayals; this is refreshing.
“I just need 20 minutes where no one says anything to me”
Aside from her excellent parenting which we’ll get to, perhaps the most important thing about Bluey’s mam is that we see her as a pivotal character, a fully-rounded person on whom the narrative also centres, as opposed to merely serving as a supporting character to her children. The writers never explicitly say this but across the series, you do start to pick up on Chilli’s mental health challenges. Fan theories suggest she suffers from depression (they reason this is why she’s absent a lot more than Bandit would be, though I’m not sure we have to equate her not being there sometimes with her not being okay). In one episode she’s anxious to sit down and read her new book. The kids ask her what it’s about and she says ‘it’s a book about how to be happy’, and then they simply move on. There are careful nods here and there to a mother trying her best, while also looking to figure out her identity as a mother of young children and handling the pressures that go along with that. There is nothing sanitised or unrealistically blissful about this parenting picture.
“Checklist!
Have a cry
Pick myself up
Dust myself off
And keep going
The show must go on.”
She makes all the same mistakes we make, from rushing Bingo through an attempt at making breakfast for her Dad’s birthday (which then made Bingo feel insecure) and then feeling bad about it to rushing Bluey (when she was a baby) through certain milestones. She falls victim to social comparison like the rest of us and she’s prone to worrying which often takes her out of the moment. She gets frustrated, wanting time to speed up, and then in the same breath she’ll feel nostalgic, wanting time to slow right down again. She lives and is impacted by the various contradictions of motherhood.
She apologises, allowing her kids to see her fallibility and then she models the more appropriate behaviour. She’s not afraid to use herself as an example for a teachable moment. She’s definitely a gentle parent but in no way is she permissive (which is a trap I can certainly fall into myself). You can tell she’s not permissive in that she leads with calm statements as opposed to questions when she wants her kids to behave in a certain way. In one episode, Bingo is standing on a bench where she might fall. In a calm, measured way, she walks by and says ‘that’s not safe, Bingo’, and places her down on the ground. It’s these little nuances that start to stick with you.
Something I really appreciate and try to mirror is the skill with which she comforts her kids about something not going their way without automatically trying to fix it. You could take her script alone and stick it on your fridge for those moments when crackers break in half or when Bluey gets upset about her new friend leaving.
“Sometimes special people come into our life, stay for a bit and they have to go. But the bit where they were here was happy, wasn’t it? Maybe that makes it all worth it”
“You can’t always fix people, sweetheart”
She has a profound respect for her children, their feelings and how they experience the world. She gets down to their level. She doesn’t make them feel inadequate or silly for having their own anxieties, such as when Bingo is attempting her first night of waking up in her big girl bed. This episode is particularly emotive, as Bingo dreams of being comforted by the light of a warm sun, which turns out to be Chilli cuddling into her beside her in the bed. It’s clear she was raised in a safe, loving environment, but the really sad thing is - though again it’s never explicitly said - her own mother is believed to have passed away.
And lastly, she doesn’t get enough credit for her low-key sassiness or how bloody funny she is. E.g. “Daddy Robots will find the easiest way to do a job.” and “Yes, and if you want me to stay your wife, you’ll learn about dishwashers.”
Another zinger…
Bandit: “This is great. We get the house clean and the kids learn a lesson.”
Chilli: “None of those things are happening”
Thank you, Chilli. I want to be like you when I grow up.
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